Ryan OConnells show about gay, disabled life is Netflixs first 15-minute sitcom.
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Trust us, you have not seen anyone like Ryan OConnell on TV before.
I was 24 years old, and I was feeling all the fucking feelings and going through it.
That led to me getting a book deal with Simon and Schuster.
And then, through my book agent, I got in touch with a TV agent at UTA.
My end goal was always to write for television.
I was, like, psychotic.
So then, I moved to L.A. and I got staffed onAwkwardon MTV.
Your book deal came before your TV career.
How did that happen?
You were so young.I know, usually you do it the other way around.
Because my pieces were going viral lol you have book agents coming out of the woodwork.
I got compartment syndrome and I was in the hospital for a month.
So now I have no good sides.
And thats permanent?I got a lot of my function back.
The dexterity was never great because of my cerebral palsy, but now its really not great.
I would say the only thing that Im unable to do now is handwrite.
It was pretty intense, because for one year I could only punch in with one finger.
But being disabled, Im used to things being taken away from me.
If anyone can learn how to grapple with that, its me.
I grew up having surgeries.
I grew up in hospitals.
How many have you had in total?Oh God, I shudder to think.
But its normal for me.
Its just not in my nature to be staying too long at the victimhood fair.
Something bad happens to me and Im like, Well, thats not great.
How can we handle it.
How can we move forward?
Thats admirable.I just dont know how else to be.
I feel like our culture today puts such a high price on victimhood in a weird way.
Ive had so much trauma in my life, but you cant live in that trauma forever.
I deal with it in my writing.
Thats a safe space to work through my stuff.
When I actually think about it, its like, Oh wow, Ive actually been through a lot.
But it doesnt feel that way to me.
It just feels like my life.
You pitched a coffee-table book, but thats not what you ended up writing.
What happened?When I moved to New York, everyone assumed my limp was from my car accident.
I never corrected them because, in my eyes, I never related to having cerebral palsy.
I thought I was really making my life a lot easier.
And, honestly, for a couple years it was.
It gave me the courage to pursue boys and be in relationships.
It really did give me a boost of confidence that I never had.
So I came into Simon and Schuster and said, I want to write about cerebral palsy.
Right when I wrapped my second season ofAwkward,my book came out.
Thats when Jim Parsons got involved and it was optioned.
It was a time when people were just realizing that women were funny.
They were like, Amy Schumer?
It feels like a lifetime ago.Oh, it is a lifetime ago.
People were not ready for that jelly.
When did you finally get your yes?You put me in a room and99 people will say no.
All it takes is one yes!
Meanwhile, I had to keep working onWill & Grace, soSpecialwas always my weekend thing.
Was it your idea to do short episodes?No fucking way.
That was Stage 13.
Im a half-hour bitch, okay?
Thats what I know.
Honey, I dont go chasing 15-minute waterfalls.
But for season two, mama wants a half hour!
You wrote all of the episodes without a writers room, right?Just me, bitch.
But basically,when we sold it to Stage 13, we couldnt afford to hire anyone.
It wassobare bones, honey.
Had you ever acted before?Like in fifth grade!
Id never acted before in my life.
That was a really hard aspect of the job.
Like, how emotionally intense it was dealing with all the boy stuff, the sex scene.
Was the sex scene the toughest scene for you?
I was like, Are you fucking kidding me?
This movie has more straight sex and more fruit sex than actual gay sex.
Youre blue-balling us the entire film, and then they fuck and you turn away?
Like, seriously.That enraged me.
I want to bring gay sex to the forefront in a very accurate, human way.
I wanted it to feel real.
In season two, ideally, I wanna show a lot more gay sex.
I think its what fucks gay men up.
Weve been so hypersexualized, and its just assumed that we fuck like rabbits.
Its also a really intense, emotional thing for us too.
He just doesnt have a judgmental bone in his body.
]People will comment, Oh, he got that Netflix money, and Im like, Where?
I dont have it.
It has allowed to get me where I need to go faster.
The more honest we are about that stuff, the better everyone will fucking feel.
It was disgusting.It was so fucking gross.Never again.
I was justdesperado, honey.
Were you excited to be on Netflix?Honey, theres nowhere Id rather be.
They dont care about the sex stuff.
They dont care about the cursing.
Theres just no Netflix brand.
From a creative standpoint, Im in fucking heaven.
I truly cant work for anyone else.
But you are working for someone else on90210.As a writer on a show, yeah, but notmyshow.
I would never go to data pipe.
The gay CP version on ABC?!
When you dont see yourself being reflected back at you, youre implicitly told that you dont matter.
That your life does not matter, its not worth being told, its not worth being discussed.
And that fucks with you on such a deep level.
By the way, you dont have to have cerebral palsy to relate to my story.
I know it sounds corny, but I really hope this story helps people.
Thats why Im here.
Not to sell a story about some girl with magical bangs to ABC.
How old were you when you realized you were gay?Honestly, watching90210at 12 years old.
I swear to God,90210was so formative.
But that was more of a gray attraction.
The moment I realized I was gay was, truly, Ryan Phillippes ass inCruel Intentions.
And then being, like, Oh, fuck me.
Im gay and disabled, this is so rude.
I was closeted until I was 17.
And also, I was just tired of it.
I came from a very gay family.
My grandfather was a closeted homosexual who died of AIDS.
My uncles gay.My sisters bi.
So you werent stressed about telling your family.Not at all.
It was never about being gay, ever.
That would be too much for my heart to bear.
But its a hard thing in terms of feeling desirable.
I was celibate for most of my 20s.
I did not have a dick in my ass for ten years.
As a disabled person, you just want to feel sexy.
It sounds disgusting, but you wanna be objectified.
Like, I just want some stranger in Arizona to comment, Sit on my face!
I need that stranger in Arizona, honey!
Because disabled people have been so ignored and desexualized, it really, really fucks with you.
I work out five days a week and Im pretty fit.
I feel like thats a really good thing.
Im literally trying to work off my disability or something.
And my best friend Katie and I made a video of us slow dancing.
She tries to go in for a kiss and Im like, No!
And shes like, Whats wrong?
And Im like, Cant tell you!
And then shes like, Come on, you could tell me anything.
And then I turn to the camera and Im like, Im gay, bitches.Thats how I came out.
Of course, no one cared and I got the boy and it was beautiful.
Ive been very lucky with no one caring about that.
The trolls really only come from being disabled.
Ive been so trolled.
Ive had people pull over being like, Do you need a ride to the hospital?
I had to stop doing it because it was too much.
I had an anxiety attack, I swear to God.
Im really glad I stopped doing that, but those things still take my breath away.
He was like, That was fucked up!
And Im like, Yeah, I guess youre right, that is fucked up.
I really dont think its out of malice.
Think about many amazing thingsTransparentdid for the trans community in terms of starting the conversation about transgender issues.
No ones really having the conversation for disability.
I also feel its really important that a show with a disability comes from someone whos disabled.
I want disabled people to be able to tell their own stories and be in charge of it.
Can you believe that you are in that headspace now?
I came out of the disabled closet in a blog post called Coming Out of the Disabled Closet.
That was years of psychic damage to work through.
Its also stressful, by the way, to be one of the first disabled leads on TV.
Its overwhelming because I know thatSpecialis not going to speak for every disabled persons experience.
It can never be.
You cant speak for everyone.
I hope thatSpecialis a success so other stories can be fucking told.
Disabled people need to be empowered.
Growing up disabled and gay, I didnt think, Im going to be an actor.
I could be starring in my own show.
Are you fucking crazy?
I didnt think that was meant for me.
There was no seat at the table for me.
I had to wedge myself in between and insert my own fucking self.
