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But recently, I realized my favorite pastime isdecoding Taylor Swifts labyrinthine puzzleson social media and in her music.
Swift is like a pop-star Sphinx, demanding you solve a riddle or thou shalt not pass.
Now shes back with a second upbeat, Pride-parade-on-roids-sounding single, you better Calm Down.
Lets decode this beast together, line by line.
Verse 1:
You are somebody that I dont know
Ew.
Dont talk to me.
Dont even look at me.
And Im just like, damn, its 7 a.m.
I havent even had my java yet.
Youre roasting me before my javas been roasted.
(She, uh, also released the song on the dudes birthday, so theres that.)
Do it, coward.
But you say it in a Tweet, thats a cop-out
Oh really?
Youre gonna subtweet me?
No, do it, pussy.
(My inner Taylor Swift voice is extremely pugnacious and ready for combat.)
And Im just like, Hey, are you okay?
You good, bro?
Youre subtweeting me, but whats this really about?
Is this really about the mean comment, or is this about yourself and your own insecurities?
In my opinion, the overall message of the first verse is simply: Stop bullying.
Pre-chorus
And I aint tryna mess with your self-expression
Shes like, Do you, brother.
Live your life even if that means being Very Online.
The two pop superstarsInstagrammed together two days ago.
She and Katy used to stress and obsess over each others business, but its over now.
thereputationalbum, which was painted with snake iconography (see: the Look What You Made Me Dovideo).
And also, internet trolls are bald.
you better calm down, youre being too loud
Chillax.
Your tweet is literally screeching at me.
you gotta just stop, like can you just not step on my gown?
I think this lyric is just about her recent fashion lewks.
Shes been going absolute freakin sicko mode on thegowns.
But also this is definitely a reference to the time Aretha Franklin apocalypticallyshadedTaylor.
you better calm down
Everyone take a collective breath.
This is a meditation bop.
Now its about us and the bullyingwereall pressed with.
But youre comin at my friends like a missile
We are her FRIENDS.
Stop YELLING at us.
Dont talk to Taylor Swift or her sons ever again.
Why are you mad when you could be GLAAD?
(You could be GLAAD)
Heres where it gets interesting or at least it did for Gay Twitter.
Since the beginning of Pride Month, Swift has beensuperpro-gay-rights.
(Never stop, Kaylors).
Sunshine on the street at the parade
Holy hell,shes talking about Pride parades!
But you would rather be in the dark ages
Grow up, Republicans.
Its 2019, and youre 2000 and mean.
Makin that sign mustve taken all night
Nice anti-gay protest sign, you bigoted butt brain.
Cant believe Taylor Swift just ended homophobia.
Thank you, Mom.
But were white people less emboldened to refusesame-sex cake toppers?
Other fansthinkits just directed at all the conservative,regressivepeople in America.
Some fansbelieveit refers to the Equality Act.
Some said this was herfirst stepin the coming-out process.
Im still holding a candle for Bi-lor.
BREAKING: Trolls found dead in a ditch.
you should probably calm down, youre being too loud.
And Im just like oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh (Oh)
You get it.
you gotta just stop, like can you just not step on his gown?
you gotta calm down.
Note her nuanced pronoun usage!
Men wear gowns too, Mike Pence.
But we figured you out.
We all know now we all got crowns.
it’s crucial that you calm down
Another pronoun switch-up Taylor Swift wears gowns.
And Swift and all her gay fans have crowns.
Eat shit, hets.
(Im pretty sure shes saying, Eat shit, hets.)
Well, theres one more chorus, but the only change is another pronoun swap, when she saysourgowns.
We all have gowns now, bitch.
We have no choice but to stan Karlie Klosss ex.
