Vanderpump Rules
Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
That is enough to tie them together for eternity.
And what happens after they get married?
Of course theres a reception, which, for my money, is the most tasteful of the parties.
This is not the end.
This is just them going toanotherparty.
Brittany and Jax are apparently hosting their own after-party in a little gatehouse next to the castle.
Then he says he has 40 bottles of vodka and guests should be drinking those.
I find this befuddling.
What if people dont want vodka?
Shouldnt he have bourbon as well?
Didnt he already prepay late checkout?
And is anyone really shocked to see that Scheana, Kristen, and Carter all shared a bed?
Tequila sodas and desperation have never served this guy, clearly punching above his weight, better.
Ugh, Kristen and Carter.
I would rather gargle Rita Wilsons COVID-19 bathwater than talk about Kristen and Carter.
I would rather self-quarantine with Idris Elba for two weeks than talk about Kristen and Carter.
But here we are, once again, talking about Kristen and Carter.
I finally understand why Stassi and Katie are so sick of this.
Carter says that he loves Kristen and wants to stay together.
Girl, that means to get out!
Just make a decision and stick with it.
Thats all we ask for.
Its black or white.
Not even S&M fans want shades of grey anymore.
A few other quick notes on this wedding before we put it to rest, hopefully, forever.
We all know this is a trial run.
Never has so much looked so elegantly simple.
Let us never forget that Tom Schwartz does not think dawdle is a word.
And finally, I will never forgive Jax for not inviting his mother.
Oh, I almost forgot my other favorite part of the wedding.
Um, no, bitch.
Stop it with all of these new people.
Speaking of the new crew, we have to deal with the fallout of Dayna and Maxs breakup.
In Daynas mind, its the difference between an intimate dinner and friends just grabbing a croissandwich.
I think we seriously need to reconsider Danica.
This is our kind of girl.
Leave the rest of these losers behind, but save Danica.
Hashtag Justice for Danica, Hashtag Give Marlo a Peach, Hashtag Bring Back RHOM.
Back at Tom Tom, Max is talking to yet another new girl about his breakup.
This one is named Valissa.
I was scaring all of the boys away, until I got Valissa, the commercial will tell us.
Who cares about Max and Dayna?
She goes and tells him she was wrong.
When he opened it, he saw the Toms Schwartz and Sandoval standing there sheepishly.
I told you already, Lance said.
Now that Im married, I cant have threesomes with you guys anymore.
Its not that, Schwartz said.
Since Im technically still single, we wanted you to marry us while its still legal.
Is it legal to get gay-married in Kentucky?
I mean, probably, right?
Yes, its legal in all 50 states, Lance told them.
All right, lets do it, Sandoval said, barging past him into the room.
They complied, unbuttoning their shirts and tossing them on the half-slept-in bed.
Honestly, he was rushing through them so that he could get back to bed.
I now pronounce you married, he said.
Sandoval lunged for Schwartz, their sudden legitimacy the ultimate aphrodisiac.
Sandoval finally broke their embrace only to sit up a bit and remove his belt and unbutton his pants.
