The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City
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Jesus and Buddha and Allah and your sober friends Goddess/Nature/Sky Daddy hybrid duked it out for 79 hours straight.
Some thought perhaps a touch of hope may lead things in a better direction.
Others believed the mortals made their bed and deserved every second of lying in those sweaty sheets.
Finally, the perpetually uncaffeinated ghost of Joseph Smith was like, Im exhausted.
I dont agree with any of this, but FINE.
And good lort it is ever a gift.
It is a damn mess.
Luckily, Omar and Rifi know whats up and also appear to be early masters of comedic timing.
Either way, Heather treats her three greasy-faced monkey daughters (her words, not mine!
Meredith is not Mormon and lives in Park City, which feels like a bit of a miss.
Whatever, Im at least 62 percent sure Merediths husband has a secret family.
Its morning at the Barlow household, and Meredith …
I know, I know.
Ya cant have it both ways, Barlow!
At last, its the moment weve all been waiting for.
How bad could it be, you ask?
Its crunch timeparty time, and everyones getting physically and mentally contoured.
Jens throwing out all her furniture and building an outdoor tunnel.
Heather, freshly armed with the Lisa snub, is preparing for battle.
Mary is selecting a Valentino runway look because shes somehow still attending.
Except its rose petals, so you cant even vacuum them up.
If nothing else, this birthday surprise is merely further evidence of Seths secret family.
Lisa sashays around looking like a Disney villain, giving people fake-ass compliments and trying to avoid Heather.
To really crank up the chaos, Mary and Jen decide to rehash the hospital situation.
Like, drink water.
Jen stomps off, her Bratz doll outfit a flash across our freshly blessed vision.
