The Real Housewives of Potomac
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Theres no time for a preamble.
No time for one of my signature pithy openers where I compare Ashley and her marriage to, like …
I dont know,Law & Order: SVUor something.
You know those things I do.
There are multiple designer capes, but theres no time for that!
I wish I had the time to talk about that, but theres SO MUCH HAPPENING, so …
Lets get to it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING with Ashley and Michaels marriage?
What on earth is going on there?
They decide to head to lunch to have their conversation about his alleged cheating on-camera in a public place.
That would be enough to make me uneasy.
Is this a See Something, Say Something situation?)
leans in and says, You and I are not a very traditional couple.
Tell the bartender to come back in a minute, I GOTTA hear this.
So, lets get into what Michael says happened.
Second point of order: This sounds like BULLSHIT.
This is the dog ate my homework of adultery.
He also says that they lost intimacy and he was craving and ready for intimacy.
So hold the absolute fuck on, my guy.
This is a nightmare.
This is the worst thing I can possibly think of.
This would make me want to set him on fire.
Just pull on his jacket so his scraggly chest hair catches on the candle on the table.
Even more confusingly, Ashley reminds him that they used to have threesomes.
Michael throws a fit, demands another beer, and refuses to keep talking about it on camera.
Good thing we have Monique and her failing podcast business to fall back on.
Imagine spending somewhere between $80,000 and $200,000 to get your podcast off the ground.
There are stoned improvisers buying a microphone from Best Buy and calling it a day.
Monique, start a better pyramid scheme!
Shes having a live podcast event but has only sold 20 out of 300 tickets.
That gave me a full cackle.
Karen and Candiace are coming on this alleged new podcast to talk about the honeymoon phase being over.
Monique is also realizing very quickly that Chris doesnt really view her as an equal partner.
He says if shes not making money, she needs to shut it down.
I hate to say it, but Chris is absolutely right.
Wendy and Gizelle are busy taking care of their story lines.
Michael needs to understand that there are consequences, and Ashley just says, Ive left him before.
Im not afraid to leave him.
Well … you got back together … so ………..
Its time for the winery afternoon and my God.
IMAGINE BEING AT A RUSTIC, RECLAIMED TABLE WHEN THIS SHIT GOES DOWN.
Wendys question is just, What is the truth Michael told you because ….?
Karen says, None of us are buying it.
We are all Karen in this moment.
No man caught cheating thinks that way.
If they did, we would not have the entire musical oeuvre of Blu Cantrell or Reba McEntire.
Monique says, Im always awake.
Thats not … thats not what were doing.
You were literally asleep.
You are not always awake, unless to restore yourself you hang upside down withyour birdat night.
Then the talking over each other begins.
There are just a few snippets that stand out.
Im holding my wine.
TO BE CONTINUED …
