The Real Housewives of Potomac
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You cant be friends with those Housewives.
Is Candiace a real human woman who eats and breathes?
Is she someone I could eat and breathe near?
Youre probably saying, Now, hold on.
Shes the only one that no one could be friends with?
Karen Huger exists and my rebuttal to that is Jack & Jill Moms.
If you dont know what that means, I dont have time to explain it to you.
So were left with the reality that in theReal Housewivesuniverse, Candiace is an island to herself.
Youre a bad friend for asking her for anything and fuck you.
Lets get to it.
Wait, before we get to it, the new taglines are revealed and theyre… fine.
Theyre absolutely fine.Real Housewives of Potomacis a god-tier franchise and I need the taglines to match.
Okay.Nowlets get to it.
WHAT is UP with Karen and Ray?
Then she says that shes keeping it tight because he wont say those three little words.
WhenKaren made a weird toast at Candiaces one-year anniversary party, I didnt realize that it was this bad.
Thankfully, Karen is only 45 and still has her whole life ahead of her.
These dark and uncertain times have led to some strange pairings.
Gizelle and Monique have banded together.
So theyre going to work together to host a dinner to cure Ashley of her postpartum agoraphobia.
Theyre also going to use this dinner to force Candiace to apologize to Ashley so everyone can move forward.
What rumors, Monique?
I really dont want to talk about it.
Ummmm…….okay, maam.
Regardless of everyones deep-seated maternal issues, Candiace was invited to Ashleys first dinner out.
Juan takes Gizelle to lunch to talk to her about how hes going to marry Robyn.
Juan also agrees to give Jamal advice if hes looking to get Gizelle another ring.
Finally, a bright spot during this episode.
Candiace tells Chris that she peed on a stick and repeats it until he asks if shes pregnant.
Shes not and shes a little disappointed, actually.
Honestly, Im not sureifCandiace wants a baby.
Start your nighttime routine a little earlier and make that baby!
Also, Chris is getting progressively shaggier the more we see him.
She needs to get botox in her anus.
BOTOX IN HER ANUS.
Thats just too much for a dinner date.
Ashley needs to reintegrate into adult society.
Somehow that morphs into everyone screaming about the fact that Candiace is still using condoms with her husband.
Everyone else is using the rhythm method and they all have two to four kids.
Start counting the cycles of the moon and get to it.
The question also gets posed to Karen, and of course shes still using condoms with Ray.
Shes only 35 and shes waiting until her career gets off the ground to have a baby.
But thats not what Candiace does.
She says that they should get to a place where they can spend time together and agree to disagree.
The debate in question is whether or not Candiace gets to call Ashley a broke-ass roach.
Candiace says is this a dinner for Ashely or a Candiace attack?
Then she starts telling everyone to fuck off.
Yeah, you cant be friends with that.
To be continued…
