The Real Housewives of Potomac
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What is hiding in the Darbys prenup that Ashley will not just leave?!
Does she have to leave a limb behind if she divorces Michaels cheating, awful ass?
What is happening there?
For that matter, I simply dont understand what is happening in anyones relationship right now.
Im so proud of them.
WILL HE STILL NUT?!?!?!
Lets get to it.
Everyone heads back to Chez Monique for some smores in the firepit.
Did I mishear that?
), Monique goes to start the fire in the firepit.
The fire has been sufficiently started, my friend.
The fire is as tall as a person.
kindly stop spraying lighter fluid directly at the logs that are ablaze.
Monique begins and ends this episode in an unreasonable place.
Ashley says she doesnt just ask questions she reads text messages, reads emails, and sniffs underwear.
Im sorry, maam.
This is not permissible.
If you have to sniff your mans underwear, its time to go.
Aint no women coming on to Michael.
Thats just not happening.
You were the only one to find his square-ass kangaroo-eating head attractive.
My problem is Ashley should be more concerned with how fucking messy he is.
Candiace handles the whole thing remarkably well, and Gizelle negotiates a continued peace between the parties.
Maam, you believe that youve potty-trained a bird.
She also keeps repeating, Be legitimate.
This is the scene fromThe Sopranosthat we were missing, and I would like to see it, just.
A toast to Wife Pussies!
Moniques husband, Chris, arrives and immediately starts asking for breakfast.
I hate this Andre the Giantsounding man.
Is it just me, or are the edges fraying with Monique?
Becausethis?This is not the look, Monique.
Because thats all this is.
Karen, never change.
Go upstairs and take a bath, because, in your words, my coochie stinks.
You want their undivided attention?
Take them to Bali.
The husbands start arriving, and Moniques Chris manages to be completely disgusting.
He says he wants to still feel his toes curl and his eyes twitch.
What the fuck does Chris think a vasectomy is?
Does he think theyll replace the tip of his penis with one of those Dots candies?
Another man for the trash heap.
Chris heads outside to grab the bouquet and the Nothing Bundt Cake for Moniques birthday.
After lunch, they all decide to play a little game where the husbands have to imitate their wives.
Candiaces Chris takes the meta route and imitates Candiace brandishing a knife.
Moniques Chris takes a Champagne bottle and begins the process of fellatio.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Does he see his wife as a series of orifices?
Im OVER THIS MAN.
Well, she might actually be asleep, which is also stupid becausehow disrespectful of your guests!
just.TO BE CONTINUED …
