The Real Housewives of Orange County
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No, its not a novel coronavirus.
It is a ghost of a Real Housewife past.
It makes no sense.
Amen to that, sister.
So lets look at the drama that Tamra hath wrought, shall we?
Lets call it linner.
This is the RHOC that I love.
Seans job is about as nebulous as Donald Trumps natural hairline.
Does he even have a job?
Then they posit that maybe hes a male escort, which is why they have that sex apartment.
Sean is not an unattractive guy, but theres no way hes making 8,000-square-foot-house-and-seven-kids money selling his body.
You mean his immunity idol, Emily retorts.
Okay, Im sorry, but Emily Simpson is a fucking genius.
I have watched all 40 seasons ofSurvivorand I didnt even think of this.
The two of them get wasted enough that Gina thinks its a good idea to call Braunwyn.
at the same time.
I mean, really.
I mean, that is the mark of a true practitioner of the reality television arts and sciences.
I dont think theres anything really offensive about the text, though.
This, to me, proves that he is a lazy lover.
Braunwyns big problem right now is that she is trying to get sober and it is not going well.
Here is Braunwyn two weeks into sobriety.
If this season wasTrainspotting, shed still be locked in a room seeing dead babies on the ceiling.
Braunwyns emotional state can only be described as raw.
Rawer than an unbaked cake.
Rawer thanDawsons 50 Load Weekend.
(If you dont get that joke, do not Google it.
Its not for you.)
Honestly its a little too real for me, a little too painful to watch.
She doesnt want anything to change.
I hate to break it to her, but things have to change.
Thats the point of getting sober.
Take it from someone whos been there.
Then it will go away.
Even better than the warm glow of that shot going down.
Anyway, the funny thing to me is how Braunwyn wants to disseminate this information.
Of course its hers to tell people when and where she wants.
She also told Emily, an odd choice considering the two were barely friends.
It seems like her mother and Tamra forced her hand and now she has to talk about it.
That is both true and not true.
Yes, she will lose some friends, but are those people she wants in her life anyway?
Its a skill that plenty of people possess.
I mean, look at Real Housewife of New Jersey Margaret Josephs.
Shes sober and she threw someones husband in a pool.
I have so many questions about this.
Why did she name her daughter after a demonic doll?
Maybe hire a few people in your target demographic, Shannon.
Wait, thats not about Emilys party.
Yes, Braunwyn and Gina are going to talk, but not yet.
No one can get in a screaming match about emoticon texts with paint on their face.
They decide it will all go down sometime soon, which is most likely next episode.
Braunwyn can go out and get in her minivan and let Sean drive her and the kids home.
She can let the moments tug away at her, pulling each atom away from the center she knew.
She can survive the car ride home.
She can survive the day.
