The Real Housewives of New York City
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Last week, I woke up one morning to find a pigeon in my kitchen.
And pigeons can just fly into your house and leave grime and poop all over your window ledges.
This pigeon was trapped in a window where one half swings open and the other doesnt move.
Somehow it got itself lodged into the part of the casement with the immovable glass.
It was flapping its wings and banging its head against the window repeatedly.
Eventually, we got the poor thing dislodged.
I felt the same way watching Dorinda in this episode as I felt watching that bird.
I was upset, frustrated, disgusted, annoyed, and a little bit afraid for my life.
Its like Sonja Tremont-Morgan of the Dr.
Sailors Walk Water Pills Morgans trying to launch a business.
We know how this is going to end.
I cant believe the editors didnt give us a montage of Dorinda showing up to dinners that wasted.
What about the trip when Dorinda sliced her hand open with a knife?
What about the numerous times when her blathering had to be subtitled with [unintelligible muttering]?
That is not whats going on with Dorinda.
Ramona lashes out at her and says Dorinda and Sonja both have drinking problems and need AA.
I didnt go to jail for drinking and then skip probation and go back to jail.
And why does she have to go after Luann like that?
Though Leah and Ramona had the biggest blowup the night before, everyone at breakfast is talking about Dorinda.
Ramona is Googling anger-management issues to see if Dorinda has them.
Thats like Googling vagina wing tattoo to see if Leah has one.
We all know its there, plain as day and dirty as a toilet seat at Dennys.
(Yes, any Dennys.)
That wasnt even a dig at your drinking.
Take the Flaming Hot Cheeto out of your cooter and just listen for a minute.
Just because its true doesnt mean its not cruel.
Maybe its the Xanax?Of courseits the Xanax!
What else would it be?
Never stop being my favorite floozy, Sonja.
Then theres the whole saga of Luann and the camel.
Ramona was so traumatized by the earlier event she wont even get on the beast.
Sonja doesnt like it the moment she goes up.
Take me down now.
Leah just jumps off her camel, which has to be at least seven feet in the air.
Sonja tells us shes so happy Dorinda went out of her way to do something special for her.
Im at home thinking,What did she do that was special?
But it seems like nothing that out of the ordinary.
Luann emerges wearing a sombrero and what looks like a shower curtain that swallowed a string of Christmas lights.
Shes singing Happy Birthday, Sonjarita!
as the rest of the restaurant is trying to ignore her Marilyn Monroe impersonation.
This is exactly the kind of birthday Sonja would love.
Leah really wins at the restaurant, though.
Ramona replies, If youre going to get along with me, you cant talk about body parts.
I guess shes a different kind of Catholic girl.
What annoys Leah is that shes held to a different standard.
Ramona will talk about sex on her terms as long as its demure and half-blushing.
Leah just wants the same consideration.
Then she hears the coo.
A homing pigeon lands on her railing.
Eventually, it finds its way home and deposits the message it left with.
