The Real Housewives of New Jersey
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What the hell is that?
A giant ball of buffalo snot?
The desiccated remains of Danielle Staubs decency?
Is there going to be rubber-band body parts in the other kids scrambled eggs?
Has Nonno just finally lost it for good?
Its little moments like this that I took delight in this episode.
Frank, a man with arms like two Chihuahuas fucking in a pillowcase, orders a sour-apple martini.
Shes mastered the movement, but Frank comes in and is like, WTF are you doing?
That cant be helping at all?
Nothing on this show delights me more than these Neanderthal men being shown up by the women.
And some of these women.
This sets everyone off, particularly Jennifer.
This is not the behavior of a woman unbothered.
She says she didnt throw a knife at Melissa; she says she threw a plate.
She technically didnt throw a plate at Melissa; she threw a plate toward her.
Oh, come on.
That is the argument of a 10-year-old trying to get out of a punishment.
This is Jennifers main problem: a lack of empathetic imagination.
That is why I cant stand Jennifer.
Melissa includes herself in being a loser.
Yes, Melissa technically called her a loser, but she doesnt really mean it.
Dolores is getting mad at the text and ignoring the subtext.
We came with you, Dolores says.
Well leave with you.
This is such a dumb and arbitrary distinction.
If Jennifer wants to leave for throwing plates, she can go on her own.
Hes a silver fox, pushing 50, has abs and a successful career.
He is one man-on-man hookup away from being Anderson Cooper.
Oh, and if you want to deep dive into his Instagram for shirtless pictures, Ialreadydid itfor you.
But the shirtless picture he sent Tre is not on his Instagram.
This is the shirtless shot that comes three texts before the dick pick.
I would, however, like to comment on the restaurants where these discussions take place.
When Teresa shows the girls Tonys picture, theyre at Dockers in Quogue, Sonja Morgans least favorite town.
It is named after, and adequately resembles, a mid-priced pair of mens chinos.
Rails does not sound appetizing.
It sounds like a euphemism for lines of cocaine or something from a title of a porn movie.
This is the most Freudian of all slips.
Lets hope she enjoys that nice boiled squid when she gets home.
