The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
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Good evening, America.
Now, no judgment, but until this weekend, I didnt get the hype surrounding Denise.
Yes, she was a Bond girl.
Yes, she was a tabloid fixture in the early aughts.
She was, simply put, incredible.
Truly captivating and genuinely hilarious on screen (not to mention drop!
Talent, as we all know, is kryptonite in the Housewives universe.
She doesnt need it.
Without her, there is no season and because of that Denise can do whatever the hell she wants.
Bravo, Bravo, and may I repeat once more, fucking Bravo.
Teddis greyscale nursery… where do I even begin?
I am not one for gender norms, but we couldnt have landed on a green or yellow?
The nurserys vibe is monochromatic toddler prison.
Abolish the prison industrial complex and also abolish Teddis nursery.
We thankfully transition to the six best seconds of my life, i.e.
watching Erika Jayne watch herself in the promos forChicago.
I have only one: I thought I would have more time.
Renee Zellweger is shaking andMichelle WilliamsfromFosse/Verdonhas been found dead in a ditch.
Its Mrs. Peacock in the Library with the Candlestick.
Simpson getting someone to ghostwrite the bookIf I Did It: Confessions of the Murderer.
Its not an admission of guilt, but its an admission of… something.
To go from Rome to the backroom of Buddha di Bell Hop is sobering to say the least.
Speaking of sobering, Dorits interior design skills were a big miss for me.
sign in your mother-in-laws kitchen.
I honestly preferred Baba di Booey before Dorit got her hands on it.
Dorits room wasnt so much Capri, Italy as it wasCapri Sun.
Im kidding, its ridiculous and inherited wealth is one of societys greatest ills.
(Where DID Sutton get her money from?)
I also liked Rinnas bandanna.
We soon return to Booby di Back Rolls for Teddis baby shower.
Was it a believable performance?
No, but goddamn did she commit to it.
This is me speaking it into existence.
They can keep the baby doll and her dresses on the shelf for the rest of the season.
I dont love her lack of energy.
This is why Garcelle is an A-level housewife in her first season out of the gate.
Brandi seems nervous and out of sorts, not entirely finishing her sentences or words.
She doesnt seem to be lying necessarily, but shes also not making much sense.
It makes Kyle constantly standing up for her seem even stranger.
Is this your queen?
and cross-examine Brandi about all of the Denise nonsense.
The evidence against Denise is pretty damning, mostly because Denise would absolutely call someone a pretty mama.
Did Brandi need to scream that she sucked Denises [REDACTED]?
Am I happy she did?
While its pretty clear that she said titty Im gonna choose to believe she said itty bitty toe.
For Brandi to compare Denises manipulation with the MVP LVP is hilarious and wrong.
Denise isnt a manipulator.
Brandi fell into her orbit and was dazzled at the sight of her.
The women are once again left to choose sides: Team Brandi or Team Denise.
Kyle and Teddi, the truth seekers, are on Brandis side.
Obviously, Denise is lying through her teeth about whatever happened with Brandi.
However, it doesnt matter because its none of their business.
#TeamDenise
