The Real Housewives of Atlanta
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All right, all right.
I always need NeNe to be bringing it, and NeNe is just not bringing it right now.
Listen, I just respond to the environment.
And why is Cynthia the one to carry that responsibility?
Youre probably saying, Why cant Kenya be the Grand Dame?
We all know she cant.
We … just all know that.
Im ready for a new era with Cynthia as our shady overlord.
Lets get to it.
Cynthia starts the episode off by inviting all the gals to her Red or Get Read Party.
But Cynthia has invited everyone else except NeNe, and thats the way it has to be.
Later, Porsha heads to a dance class with a bunch of confused white moms.
Porsha judges Kenya for showing up in heels, and Kenya judges Porsha for twerking (a.k.a.
dancing) at a baby dance class.
Also, the editors this season are not holding back with those confessional interviews.
They leave in an extended moment of Porsha searching for the word boundaries.
No, what is it?
They didnt have to do that to her.
Kenya slowly opens up to Porsha about her issues with Marc.
Kenya has this habit of saying incredibly painful things as if they are things we all know and accept.
Being a new mom, right?
Feeling like youre in constant competition for your husbands love and affection with a baby thats barely sentient?
Porsha lacks Kandis tact and just looks Kenya in the eyes and says, Nooooooooooo Kenya.
That must feel like a bad sign.
Kenya just shrugs and says, Its 5 oclock somewhere!
Then, Kandi moves her 16-year-old daughter into a $5,500 a month apartment in NYC for her internship.
Two bedrooms, one bath, one completely entitled teen.
Oh, Riley also HAS A PORSCHE.
Riley talks through her teeth and doesnt know that refrigerators dont all come with ice machines.
Kandi laughs that her daughter is like the kids fromBlackish: entitled, privileged, and out of touch.
Kandi, do you realize that you gave your daughter a two-bedroom apartment in NYC and a Porsche?
She didnt get them on her own.
You could end this.
Dear God, someone stop this mess.
(yo dont stop this mess.)
Everyone shows up in their red finest and everyones titties are out and ready to play.
Who the fuck are you, Yovanna?
Its time for Kenya to give Porsha her regifted gift.
Did the doll leave the other home willingly?
Porsha stomps outside and tells Eva exactly what went down.
Eva starts to get riled up and it only gets worse when Marlo arrives.
Then why are you doing any of this, Kenya?
Then Cynthia tries to jump in and Kenya jumps down her throat to tell her to stop.
She says that Eva isnt living the life she wants to live.
Then Eva gets up and shouts as she leaves, Im pregnant.
She has no idea what thats like!
I screamed, DEAR READERS, I SCREAMED.
So what happens now?
The target of a lot of shade has left.
Marlo and Yovanna decide to jump on Cynthia and Kenya for being too submissive in their relationships.
Kenya is too submissive in her marriage and thats somehow Marlos business.
Cynthia lets her more aggressive friends run all over her.
Shamea wins Best Twerker after a Twerk-Off.
Marlo wins Shadiest Person since Eva left and cant win on a technicality.
Kenya wins Best Read since Eva left and cant win on a technicality.
Then its time for Thirstiest Person, the Thirst Trap Award.
Those are … two different things but okay.
Marlo tries to nominate Kenya but Tanya suggests that Yovanna is NeNes puppet and that turns the tide.
Then its Kenyas time to share and she takes it in a different direction.
Never finding love thats unconditional and I dont want to talk about that right now.
Kenya, we would all like to help but we just had a Twerk-Off.
Marlo gets the last word when she tells Kenya, You have to believe in yourself.
