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The92nd Academy Awardstore a massive hole in the space-time continuum.
Multiple Idina Menzels flooded the stage at once.
Eminem performed a song from 2002, and nobody explained why.
Joaquin Phoenix spent a lot of time talking about milk.
Below, we attempt to parse the highs, lows, and whoas of this completely chaotic ceremony.
Welcome to the Oscars, also a weird ritualistic cult!
Give the May Queen her flowers!
Its fully the version of the song you witness when you do theMidsommardrugs.
I dont know what this means exactly, but Im going to fan-fiction about it.
We are the original storytellers, and we can make it here as well.
Hes just having a nice time at thelocal awards show.
The point is, at some point during Rudolph and Wiigs presenting bit, Eilish is like, Whoa.
For instance, Beanie Feldstein introduces Mindy Kaling … who then introduces more things!
Jai Ho fromSlumdog Millionaire.Lady Marmalade fromMoulin Rouge …all leading up to … Eminem?
In the Year of our Lord 2020?
Seventeen years after thesong won an Oscar and he wasnt there?
Why did nobody explain this or reference it in any way?
Did we enter some kind of horrible wormhole?
How do we escape?
HIGH:The reaction shots to Eminems performance.
Idina doesnotlose herself in the music, the moment, but Marty very much does.
No one woman should have all that power!
Where is Cynthias EGOT?
All women should not be forced to participate in pandering, infantilizing bullshit!
There goes the idea that not having a host saves any time.
HIGH:Olivia Colman calmly sharing that she absolutely railed her husband on Oscar night last year.
Thank you to thePirates of the Caribbeantheme for its service in awkwardly cutting the speech short.
Something good is happening when the shows running late and the people demand more.
