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The new HBO Max special fromBeth Stelling,Girl Daddy,threads an impossible needle.
She finds a way to make jokes about comedy funny to a general audience.
Here, in no particular order, are the best jokes fromGirl Daddyfor your reading pleasure.
I was like, What were you doing before?
I guess keep doing or stop doing that.
And this podcast was never released.
We dont like to be challenged.
So, his joke was like, I used to fuck chicks all the time after shows.
[The crowd saysrape.]
Thank you, its so much easier when somebody else brings it up.
People do not like hearing a woman comic say that word.
I guess because the dudes are like, Hey, thatsourthing.
But maybe the point of the anecdote is that it could be literally any male comedian.
Later on in this section of the special, Stelling starts saying the big R-word in a Scottish accent.
Lets all just accept that this is probably the funniest that word will be for a while.
Never been an issue.
Despite everything Ive said leading up to this point, I do have a relationship with my father.
He eventually landed a role as Blackbeard at Pirates Cove mini Putt-Putt golf course.
And when you know celebrities, there are going to be perks.
Free Putt-Putt, baby.
My dad would dress like a pirate from here down.
And then he would walk around the mini-golf place making peoples time better, question mark?
When the head goes on … Look at me.
When the head goes on, Im not dad anymore.
Very Method, okay?
Seriously, I forgot.
And I got a little hole in one and I started yelling for my dad instead of Blackbeard.
And he found where the sound was coming from in the head.
We havent had a Mary since that first one.
And even then, youre telling me God stopped at one kid?
The self-restraint there is admirable.
Like God just had Jesus and then we lost him.
Youd think hed have another go.
Its just like, Ooh, ooh, not too much head.
Its like the only time you say that.
And then privately, youre just spreading biomedical hazard like … goooogggg.
Perhaps he was just burned out.
Either way, Stelling keys into the illogic of our cultures attitudes toward parenting.
I say this as someone who happily pays child support every month.
For some reason, its easier to hear in a Scottish accent.
I dont know why theyre scared.
Theyre going to get away with it if they go through this system, is what Im saying.
A woman makes a claim, and people just believe her without going through the legal system.
Its their safe space, really.
The Leftovers
I think we just gotta stop looking at abortion like leftovers.
Keep breathing through the joke.
Imagine it like this: A couple goes out for a big meal and they overorder.
And the woman says, Oh, I dont want them; you take them.
And the dude says, I cant.
I dont have a fridge.
And she asks, Then why did you put it in the box?
You shouldnt have put it in the box.
Now were going to have to throw it away.
Shes like, What?
He paid for half.
Im just saying, abortion is not really the time to go Dutch.
The Challenge
I dont weigh myself.
It keeps it fun, keeps it fresh.
I heard its good for your heart.
I used to weigh myself when I was chubbier, when I was working in the bagel industry.
I was in quality control.
Food is interesting like that: You show your work.
I put up some of my best numbers at the bagel shop.
It was during a time in my life where I thought that cookies might go extinct.
My top score was 198 pounds, which, Im five-foot-nine, as I mentioned.
Its kind of nothing on my frame.
You know, 198 is not a wake-up call.
Youre gonna get two pounds away from 200 and not hit it?
I did it the next day.
Speaking of painful topics, body image is yet another delicate subject Stelling makes both personal and universal.
During quarantine, there are probably more people accepting a version of Stellings challenge than not.
Just dont ask anyone to draw you.
