The Bachelorette
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Weve got 31 men, one COVID bubble, and an undisclosed number of Bachelorettes.
Weve been talking about Clare being the Bachelorettesince MARCH 2.
In the beginning of March, Pete Buttegieg was still running for president.
Lets get to it.
Then shes off having a great time greeting the world and going on talk shows.
Remember live studio audiences?
We get to know Clare in her past seasons and they pretend likeBachelor: Winter Gamesdoesnt exist.
She just cant wait for her journey to begi
Whoa-oh!
George Stephanopoulos is on our screen telling us that the entire state of California is now sheltering in place.
Do you remember when our elected officials cared enough about this pandemic that they made everyone stay home?
Production is shut down and Clare is still 39.
Things are bleak in Bachelor Nation.
Fast-forward to June 2020 and production is back on!
Is it because cases are slowing?
Is it because the average citizen has access to reliable and fast testing?
Is there any reason?
So everyone is heading to Palm Springs La Quinta Resort, which apparently is different than a LaQuinta Inn.
One of the things were robbed of because of the pandemic is the Meet the Guys video packages.
It only took Bennett 42 seconds to say that he went to Harvard.
Harvard men are nothing but consistent and they are consistent in their awfulness.
Its time for the first night and Clare is wearing an amazing dress.
Its basically a disco ball crossed with a figure skating outfit and Im here for it.
This show really needs you to have watched all the previous material.
Clare also reveals what is going to be her catchphrase this season: Show up.
What makes her ready for this season?
What does she want her ideal man to do?
Shes just looking for someone to show up.
What is she going to do before she shows out?
Its time for the arrivals!
The first guy out of the limo asks her to take a deep breath with him.
I know theyve all been tested, but its in the air, my guy.
I mean we could talk about all the introductions buttheres only one that matters: Dale.Dale.Oh, Dale.
They lingered on that limo door when that cute lil dude stepped out, and Clares body is ready.
He hugs her so tight that he completely lifts her off the ground.
Clare says her entire world went dark and the only thing left was Dale.
There is no sun, no moon, no stars.
The only light in the sky is Dale.
Chris Harrison is like uh…okay?
and the rest of the guys have to arrive.
They also both say that theyre empaths.
Does anyone feel any chemistry between them?
No one is matching anyones energy here, even as empaths, but Clare knows what she wants.
Yoself has strong Gaston energy and has been sliding into girls DMs on Instagram.
Tyler C. doesnt really say when this DMing was taking place.
He gets around to it late but it seems like Yosef was messaging women while he was in quarantine.
At the resort or just anytime in the last seven months?
Yosefs main defense is, How reckless would I have looked, which is not a denial.
This Sharon Stone lookin woman is really going to take these men down, isnt she?
She also decides she doesnt really want to deal with this, so she heads off with Blake Moynes.
This is too goddamn much and this must be made right.
One of them has to go by his middle name.
Both of their middle names are Jaxon?
Even though it was against the rules.
She says its always good to break the rules if you care about what youre doing.
Its the Lloyd Dobbler rule.
He takes another risk and gives her a kiss.
Chris Harrison drops off the first impression rose and it goes to Dale.
It just goes to Dale, okay?
We all know where this is going.
This is like watching a romantic comedy about your friend and her boyfriend, Dale.
Its time for the Rose Ceremony.
Heres to the next, inevitable Bachelorette and THE MOST DRAMATIC SEASON EVER!
