The Bachelorette
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These idiots got me.
And this season did it twice!Theyre all so in love!
Theyre engaged!Tayshia picked Zac.
The second I saw his taupe Jordans on the dance floor, I knew Tayshia was in good hands.
So why dont we dive into the baffling before we dive into the delightful?
Lets get to it.
It didnt happen at the beginning of her week, right?
Lets all agree on one simple fact: This bitch does not repeat outfits.
I dont think thats as cute of a story as you think.
Its not like hes a cute Black Filipino rocket scientist or anythi YOU ELIMINATED WHO?!?
And do you know how hard it is for a white guy to impress an older Black dad?
Because someone really did need to point out to Tayshia that her fixation on Ben was not it.
Both times, it worked on Tayshia enough to get her to momentarily take the guy back.
I totally get the appeal of a square-jawed man showing up and saying I love you.
What makes this even more frustrating is that this is kinda what Ben does!
What did he do to fix that mess-up?
Why didnt he tell Tayshia he loves her?
Because he was confident he was getting a rose and going to Fantasy Suites.
After Tayshia kisses him, he says hes 100 percent confident hes getting a rose.
Its the Ted Mosby school of relationships.
Ben is constantly emotionally running through an airport with an incredibly specific gift.
On our first date, when you took that salt packet?
Bitch, I guess?
AND IT WORKS ON TAYSHIA.
But I need TAYSHIA to see this pattern and realize this!
As a result, the audience cant really get to know her on a deeper level.
Also, apparently her religious differences with Ivan are enough to send him home.
What was that about?
When was any of that revealed?
This is the show where Rachel Lindsay took multiple dudes to actual church.
But all of this to say that a real love story is actually kind of boring to watch.
It probably occurred nine months to 14 years ago.
They dont have interesting stories.
Its a cute story, but its not an exciting story.
Thats what it feels like watching Zac and Tayshia.
So what are the highlights of the Zac and Tayshia love story we get this episode?
Lets start with the incredible base Zac laid down when he met her family.
How about when Zac told Tayshias mom that in five years he sees them happy?
HOW ABOUT WHEN HE SAID HE WAS EXCITED BY HIGH EXPECTATIONS RATHER THAN SCARED?
I had no idea he could fly so high.
A romantic activity-based date where you might actually glean something from the task.
He reminds her to check in with him and make sustained eye contact.
He describes the dance by saying, Were in a union.
She asks him, What if our plans change?
Thats literally all a relationship is: two people dealing with plans changing together.
That might give some insight into what has gone wrong in her other relationships.
I would love to know that if thats true!
Like on an ideological level?
Zac tells her that what she does is not why he loves her.
The bar is certainly low, but Zac is MILES above it.
Its given him the tools to challenge fear and face life.
You gotta love a man with some therapeutic tools.
Tayshia says she started the day uneasy but shes going to bed happier than ever.
Tayshia puts on an amazing white-gray one-shoulder gown with some thick lacing in the back.
Tayshia has never and will never sweat.
Zac has to climb up the mountain to find Tayshia.
He also loves that shes a dork, which for hot people just means has fun or something.
He also says that she drives him wild.
He would drink her bathwater.
Are you weeping yet?
This is when I began fully weeping.
She says shes ready to jump into more fountains and hail a taxi.
Im ready for these people to find a hobby to do together.
He gets down on one knee and barely gets any words out before Tayshia screams YES!
He starts fist-pumping while they make out.
They are positively delirious with love when they do their post-engagement interview, and Zac says, Yeeaaahhhh!
Make some beautiful babiiiieeessss!!!
and grabs Tayshias ass.
And thats a wrap on this wild season!
Ill see you all in11 DAYSfor Matt Jamess season!
