The Bachelorette
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IT DIDNT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS!
When we started this episode, it was so beautiful.
I cried no fewer than four times.
Yes, my period is three days away and I had therapy this afternoon, but I mean it!
I would put my entire life savings on that.
And thats WILDLY unfair.
Its just preposterously unfair.
Why dont we get through these other Home Town visits so we can properly dive into Bens nightmare.
Lets get to it.
The families have arrived, theyve quarantined, and theyre ready to meet Tayshia.
(What are the logistics on that?
Oh… just you wait, you sweet little chipmunk.
Bens sister is there, and Breandauwn is going first with his brother and sister-in-law and his niece.
Breandauwn immediately starts crying and Zac just wants to hug everyone.
These guys have been through so much this summer and they just want the best for EACH OTHER.
Breandauwn repeats the phrase Family is so important to me no fewer than 13 times.
He also brings along his adorable niece, Aliyah, who gets her own talking head.
I gotta level with you for a second.
This constant need to divine your partners intentions and feelings at all times is going to get exhausting.
What else do you think is lurking in Breandauwns brain?
Hes an aspiring model-slash-roofer.
I think youre getting the whole picture.
You dont always know whats going on in that weirdos head.
But if theres something youneedto know, you have to ask.
Breandauwn sitting down with his family for the rest of the date is a collection of Hometown date standards.
Its theTime Life Presents Hometown Dates Collection.
When they arrive for the meet-the-parents portion of the date, Zacs mom is already crying.
This entire family meeting is about the quantity and quality of Zacs smiles.
Zac tells his mom that hes incredibly happy and hes able to smile.
I want them all to win… but Zac should win first.
But all is well and Zac loves him some Tayshia!
Its time for Ivans date and HIS BROTHER GABRIEL!
He really, really cares about his brother.
Will the show figure out some way to undermine any and all progress theyve made?
But for now, Ivan and Tayshia glow together!
Plus, a 4-year-old made lumpia on video!
Its time for Bens date.
Yall, why is Antonia fromTop Chefthere?
What is she doing there?
Shes a family friend?!
And shesnotgoing to make ricotta gnudi with oxtail ragu?!?!?!
I need 400 percent more context, but lets keep her around.
Ben decides to give Tayshia the Venice Beach experience.
I think hes told you about every mental health crisis hes had in his life.
I think you know everything.
Bens sister says the same thing.
Theres no trapdoor or anything else hiding there.
Hes just… a little guarded.
Hes on a game show to find love but being a little guarded should not be a fatal flaw.
He cant believe it.
This is the moment you want in the rom-com.
The moment when you love her and you cant live without her.
Hes just not good at words!
Some people arent good at words!
He also seems to be the punch in of person who cant process and act in the same moment.
Its time for the rose ceremony!
(I also wonder how the compressed filming schedule changed the usual timing of Hometown dates.
Tayshia arrives in an amazing pink gown.
She thinks she knows what she has to do, including a completely manipulative post-rose move.
Ivan, Zac, and Breandauwn all get roses.
This is when it all goes wrong.
That doesnt mean they arent ready or capable of love.
It just means sometimes you gotta go, Hey!
you better make our anniversary dinner reservations this year!
Thats your job now!
Oh, fuck off.
Thats not a thing you get to be disappointed about.
Hes not Mr. Big.
No one is wearing a dumb little beret but I am ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTED.
If you want something from someone, you cant get mad at them if you never ask.
There is so much dumbBachelorlanguage to achieve exactly this.
Where is your heart?
Can we get there?
I could see myself falling in love with you.
Hes just a guy in a limo trying to figure out how to cry.
