The Bachelorette
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Lets just … huh …
ALL RIGHT!
Its time for … nope.
Arrggh.What was that?WhatWASthat?
We know from clips, okay?
We have a whole reunion special and an After the Final Rose Live Extravaganza to contend with.
I still dont know who Hannah is and what she wants.
Where is Hannah in all this?
Where is the time when she got to be alone, enjoying her own company?
It doesnt surprise me that her personality is just an amalgamation of throw-pillow sayings.
So, enough with all my pontificating.
Lets get to it.
Lukes first reaction is to imitate human facial reactions.
Also Hannah, you said thing.
Garretts first question is about if Luke brought up anyone elses name.
Luke, forgetting that theres video footage of his date, tells them that he didnt.
Hes able to cross the threshold of a church and repent for being a totally uncool dude.
Then its time for everyone to get ready for the cocktail party.
Hannah has a GREAT long white coat over her shoulders and Mike tells her immediately that she looks amazing.
This bitch can wear a dress.
The purpose of the cocktail party is to finally let these relationships progress.
So Garretts second move is to ask Hannah about Luke.
Theres no way this could end badly.
Garrett goes and tattles that Luke is a big ol meanie and a liar.
Either Dylan or Devin, Im unsure, wants to know what Luke said.
You know what he probably said.
But I guess you gotta get your screen time, Dylvin.
Hannah hears them upstairs and goes back there because shes so frustrated.
She tells everyone to stay in their lane.
She also tells Luke to Zip It at one point, and its glorious.
Hes just going to do it unconsciously because hes a liar.
The delight of this episode stems from justhow badLuke P. is at this game.
The problem is all those multitudes are shitty.
Its not just Luke.
Its all of them.
And she does no more critical thinking about that point.
Dustin chimes in for the first time in three episodes and says, We were petty!
Gotta earn your screen time, Dustylvin.
no less than 60 times.
Oh no no no.
Its time for the rose ceremony.
Connor, Tyler, Dustin, Peter, Dylan, Garrett, and Luke all get roses.
Kevin, Devin, and Grant go home and I had no idea who Grant was.
Turns out hes 30 and unemployed.
Thats how everyone talks.
When they arrive, we get some touristy shots of the city … and NOTHING ELSE.
No dates in Latvia.
No going to a market and getting advice from a 90-year-old married couple.
No fireworks over the Baltic Sea.
Just 200 hours of clip show that confirms that Luke will continue to be a problem.
I have one suggestion for her: SEND.
