The Bachelorette
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Listen, we could all sit here and clown on Luke.
So lets get to it.
The first issue is that THEY HAVE NO FOOTAGE.
There is no footage this season.
Someone name another story line.
Its the Men Tell All special and we only heard one man tell all.
Why dont we all just … color in some cell diagrams and finish this all on Monday.
Just give us one rose ceremony per episode.
Thats all were asking for.
Name one thing about John Paul Jones.
None of us knew he liked nuggets before this moment.
Those nuggets were for Hannah and we all know it.
It was sweet that Mike got a full video package since he is the rightful heir to theBachelorthrone.
So, what are we left with?
The realization thatThe Bacheloretteput all its narrative eggs in the Luke basket.
Luke wouldnt be able to know where they were filming the rose ceremony on his own.
Luke wouldnt be able to rent a van in Crete.
Im 30 years old and pretty smart and hiring a van service is completely exhausting.
And what do we get out of it?
The most dramatic season ever?
If you call a woman having to confront her own tendency to accept and even embrace toxic behavior dramatic.
It is certainly not the show that ends with Hannah looking into the camera andapologizingfor Luke.
There is no need to apologize for keeping Luke around.
Weve all been 24 and thought a guy would change.
But the show clearly thought that just letting Hannah send Luke home at the rose ceremony wasnt enough.
She had to apologize for her poor judgment instead.
So lets highlight where Hannah and the contesticles got things right.
The biggest moment was Hannah picking up the rose ceremony table and just moving it away from Luke.
Hannah hit him with the Fuck You Thought.
(What sea is Crete in?)
The fear in his eyes glittered like the moon on the sea.
Peter and Jed just kept asking Luke how many more noes he wants to get.
Just cut to Tyler in that suit again and let me drift gently into sleep.
Theyre like consents hype men.
When I say NO!
You say MEANS NO!
Mike also says because none of Lukes behavior has changed, no one can accept his apology.
Hes one of those guys who doesnt text you for nine days and then texts you, OMG.
Thats not the same thing as acknowledging the impact of your actions and committing to change and then changing.
For some unknown reason, Matteo decides to sort of … defend Luke … for being … stressed?
As the result of being an asshole?
That message would have been helpful and would have counteracted some of the harmful tropes this season.
I understand that it takes time for someone to find those words and that security in yourself.
