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Thirty years ago today,Seinfelds very first episode, The Seinfeld Chronicles, aired.
Seinfeldas we know it now was made by Elaine.
Back in 1989, women like her were not on TV.
The female body is a work of art, Elaine explains.
The male body is utilitarian its for getting around.
Its like a Jeep.
And to emphasize her point, she adds: Its hideous!
Her relationship with him, and especially her attraction to him, is notable mainly because its so ridiculous.
Its less about the politics around fur as she says to George, Eh, anti-fur.
I mean, who has the energy anymore?
This is more about hanging off the arm of an idiot.
Horrified, she asks Puddy: Youre going to wear this …allthe time?
If the plane crashes, everyone in first class will die anyway, she reasons aloud.
Where did you come up with all that stuff?
a dismayed Jerry asks.
Elaine casually responds: It was nothing.
David, Im going to hell, she tells Puddy, a religious man, at one point.
The worst place in the world.
With devils, and those caves, and the ragged clothing.
And the heat my God, the heat!
- there Elaines diaphragm and her consistent ability to put her foot in it.
You never know when youre gonna need it!
she cries: This is America!
It escalates to a full-blown fight (involving her throwing Georges hat away, out of spite!
), and the ordeal even turns into a story in the paper.
Later, she wears it to yet another game and gets in a scrap.
Elaine never gives up, like a true role model.
The train
The Subway (Season 3, Episode 13)
Ah, the subway.
For six dollars my whole life couldve changed!
Ive become … GEORGE!
she cries in the diner, with a scraped back ponytail, glasses, and an oversize denim jacket.
At least she didnt go bald.
Elaine especially hates her male cohorts, and shes not afraid to show it.
Ever keen to quell her friends paranoia, Elaine chips in: Ive yada yadad sex.
She puts up with it until he calls her Suze, which she finds unacceptable.
Later he wants Susie, not Elaine, to head up the fingerless-glove division.
Okay, fine, I havenograce …
In The Beard, George is pretty pleased with his new toupee, but she absolutely hates it.
To wit: This pretty early episode when a woman is talking her ear off about her fiance.
The hilariously tortured moves that she pulls out over Shining Star those kicks!
Naturally, she does.
When she finds his recipes in an old armoire, she thinks shes found a way around it blackmail.
It all culminates in her screaming I HATE IT!
and, ultimately, getting fired.
Hes just so good looking!
In The Couch, she meets a man and believes theyre in love.
Jerry jokingly questions her: What is his stand on abortion?
What about the breathing, the panting, the moaning, the screaming?
he asks, horrified, while George tries not to listen in.
Fake, fake, fake, fake!
she responds, ticking them off in the air and brilliantly cutting him down to size.
Its almost stupid if we didnt!
she shouts at Jerry on the topic of having sex.
Or as she puts it: We just want to takethis, and addthat.
[breathes on glasses] It.
Elaine, you gotta have a baby!
You want to have a baby!
and once again entering a phrase into our lexicon.
Because youre a woman!
Jerry cries, incredulous that she wouldeverdothat.
Or as she says in a dreamy, breathy voice: Elaine.
