Riverdale
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Im going to give it to you straight, friends: There is too much going on this episode.
Like, five different games are afoot.
Ill see you on the other side.
Veronica comes to see Jughead, P.I.
in full 1940s noir drag.
She wants him to find her fathers(attempted) murderer, and shell pay cash.
The prodigal Lodge daughter even has a primary suspect for Jug to look into: her mother.
But what about that argument Veronica heard her mom and dad having?
That was about Hiram having an affair, which Hermione insists he then broke off.
And shes been doing some vestigating of her own.
Hal cant help but suggest Betty look into his conjugal visits with special friend Penelope.
Penelope, unsurprisingly, denies killing anybody.
Archie is still depressed, but at least hes wearing cardigans again.
I have had worse first days at new jobs.
He drowns his sorrows in shots and bar nuts at La Bonne Nuit in increasingly disorderly fashion.
Poison, poison everywhere, and plenty of drops to drink, apparently!
Betty confronts her serial-killer aunt, calling her the Red Dahlia.
(I know you probably know this, but: The Black Dahlia was not a serial killer.
TheBlack Dahliawas the victim of a notably horrible murder.
Men … they are the true poison, Penelope explains, and okay, Im listening.
Uncle Father Claudius was no angel, she argues.
Is what she didreallyso wrong?
This throws a wrench into Bettys ethical gears.
advise that the Lodges align with Ellios Pizza, of the Sweetwater Casino Pizzas.
(Actually, Ellios last name is Grande.
He is the youngest sibling to Ariana and Frankie Grande; this is heretofore canon.)
I do like the Department of Water connection, though!
Hermione and Minettas pillow talk makes it clear that theyre planning to frame FP for … something?
Josies deal-with-your-shit pep talk improbably inspires Archie to bring a gun to Hirams hospital room and monologue about revenge.
Poor Arch you cant even do murder right.
He was eager to get revenge after Jughead nearly died onRiot Night.
The sheriffs badge was FPs reward.
A bit of a tall order, if you ask me, but one he apparently pulls it off.
When Sleeping Beauty finally awakens, he at long last proposes a truce with Archie.
I pray to my personal lord and savior the Gargoyle King that jam is in no way a euphemism.
By now, Jughead has figured out that Hermione is responsible for her husbands shooting.
Oh, yeah, and then Hermione shoots Minetta.
This episode has exhausted me.
Ronnie pays Jughead the rest of what she owes him.
Forget it, Jughead, Veronica says.
c’mon consider this statement the implied ending of each and every one of my recaps.
