Riverdale

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She had only just found Jughead when her friends arrived.

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Betty calls FP, reciting a prewritten script about how strange it is that she hasnt heard from Jughead.

Charles, director of her one-woman show, hands her a listening machine to plant at Stonewall.

Helpful for now, at least.

And yet no injury he visits upon his enemy could be as devastating as Bret calling him Elmo.

Back home, Archie very nearly spills the murder-beans to his concerned mother.

Jellybean suggested FP track Jugheads unanswered phone, which led him right to it: planted inside Bettys jacket.

(Didnt know you had it in you, Joan.)

FP has a lead: A hiker found a bloodied rock in the woods near the party.

This is somehow only the second least plausible plot point in the episode.

We love to see it.

What if they just plopped the rock into her hands?

Betty reunites with Donna in the woods to confront her.

He draws the curtains and tells her he needs to confess.

I am the ultimate wild card, she says.

I am the daughter of the Black Hood, the nightmare next door.

Im training with the FBI and Im coming for you, you psycho bitch.

Not the worst Tinder bio Ive read in my life.