Love Island
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This recap covers the second week ofLove Island U.S., episodes 3 through 8.
Somewhere in the Caesars Palace Slack workspace, a brand manager named Dave is changing his avatar.
Beaten down and defeated, he waffles between five memes of various animals trying to grab objects labeled serotonin.
sponcon package have done him in.
Honey, Im so proud of you!
My son is a movie star!
Deep down, we are all Dave.
They all get low-taper fades, talk about vulnerability, and debate whos here for the right reasons.
The answer is Justine.
Per Jeremiah: shes a good girl with substance who deserves something special.
Disappointed but not surprised.
He claims he chose her because he saw her on TV and shes killing it.
This shitshow premiered Monday and their date was probably shot Thursday at the very latest.
Caleb brings in Rachel, and they bond over trust and transparency.
Its a low key vibe.
They cheers 47 times over both being sassy Texans, and thats about the end of that.
Once everyone returns, its time to debrief.
Shes smitten, so naturally she has to tell James that shes now open to getting to know Calvin.
This goes exactly as well as youd expect.
The Moira/James Lifetime movie is still happening, its just tonally very different.
We tuned in forThe Holiday Wishand when we came back from the bathroom, itsDeception in Broad Daylight.
Luckily, Mackenzie is not here for rhetorical questions.
All week, shes been making moves to firmly illustrate that she is not Corinne Olympios 2.0.
Do not talk to women like that.
Shes Dr. Jennifer Melfi in leopard print.
Its an incredible performance.
It appears neither of them fully grasp the typically unhealthy connotation of using a person as a crutch.
Heres hoping Mackenzie has time to discuss this in their next session.
Everyone else is basically just bopping around, doing their thing.
Even amidst the chaos, Mackenzie and Connor are hanging on.
Troubles brewing, though.
Its sort of like that, but with a lot more lip filler.
In the words of Tre, How could you be mad at that guy?
Look at his beard!
Cely says that she keeps peeling back more and more layers of him and shes loving what shes finding.
My breath, its bated.
A very masked cough, cough, James.
Fresh off Jeremiahs transparency, Rachel picks Caleb.
Moira brings up the damn crutch metaphor again and goes with Calvin.
There is not a dry eye in the house.
I am included in this metaphorical house.
But not so fast!
I know nothing about astrology, but Im a Scorpio and people clutch their pearls if I disclose this.
Thanks to Lauren, Im finally understanding why.
When was this made official?
How does CBS have this place onBlack Mirror-level surveillance and miss moments like this?
The answer may be that it didnt happen, but Im not ready to admit that.
Im not sure my retinas or four-year-old iPhone will ever fully recover.
Moira puts butter on avocado toast.
Do with this what you will.
When Kaitlynn left, she ostensibly bequeathed her face wipes to Moira.
There is absolutely no excuse here, especially for morning cleansing when there are zero plans on the agenda.
Has Caroline Hirons taught yall nothing?
Wipes leave surfactants on the skin!
Theyre bad for the environment!
Theres a Vegas-themed party when theyre already in Vegas, by all accounts living a Vegas-themed existence.
Who needs to risk their life to seeTenetin theaters when Christopher Nolan-level mindfucks are happening nightly on CBS?
Running count of COVID references: 22
