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Catsis out, andCatsisa bomb.
Or maybeCatsis a masterpiece, if youre feeling particularly galaxy-brained.
But put yourself in the (tap) shoes of aCatsfan, for a moment.
Tell me everything about your screening.
How are you feeling right now?
Did people walk out?One womanranout like the place was on fire.
And that woman … was me.
I mean, it ignites a fight-or-flight response.I feel high!
I dont know if it has to do with being high.
I would imagine an edible plusCatswould be the closest thing to seeing it in IMAX 4DX.Yeah, no comment.
I think whatever you oughta do, you should do.
How many times before this have you seen the showCatslive?At least five.
Its one of my longest relationships.
Its fat marbled into the flesh of who I am.
And I dont feel like he protected them.
Theres no way anyone thought it would look like that when they were doing it.
But then you get to shoot the cats or something.
This movie is not good for cats.No, its not good for cats.
This is worse for cats thanUncut Gemsis for the Jews.
Im not even saying thatUncut Gemsis bad for the Jews.
Thats not necessarily what I believe.
But it is something that I think youll overhear at Hanukkah parties a lot.
What do you think the stage show gets right that the movie gets wrong?
Is it just the CGI?I dont want to blame the technology.
I want to blame the person who decided that this was going to be the style.
Its just such a shame.
Whereas Tom Hooper combined the worst of both worlds.
And then everything else Im going to change, and its gonna look …
I mean, Im not even talking about an uncanny valley.
You have to take a train.
Oh, and thetrain cat.He was terrific.
They made Skimbleshanks gay and not Mistoffelees.
Mistoffelees is the gayest cat in the show!
He comes down and shouts Presto!like hes Corky St. Clair.
But in this, he was sort of K-Pop.
My cat Jimmy Jazz is exactly like Mr. Mistoffelees from the movie.
How about the mice and the cockroaches?The cockroaches, I will say, are from the show.
People are angry about Why are there cockroaches?
And the fat jokes are so hard to watch.
And then he says, You know, Im sensitive about my weight.Allyouve been doing is singing about it.
I was so mad about it!
Very interesting choices were made.
I really liked Ian McKellen.
I thought that was the most honest, straightforward thing in the movie.
Him giving a human performance, singing that song, simply.
The pleasures of musical theater are very straightforward, and this was the closest thing to that.
Youre anInto the Woodsmovie defender.
I cant think of anyone thatwouldntdo a better job.
Tom Hooper is clearly one of these daddy has a new toy directors.
I have a friend who calls it the Zemeckis Effect.
Which is: Older guy figures out howcomputieswork.
Older guy gets excited.
Even though the graphics look like shit, they look interesting to him, so hes really into it.
Hes like, Look at how cool this is!
And you have to say, No!
The feet arent touching the ground in a way that feet touch ground!
Hooper just doesnt see it that way.
Were there any visuals that particularly disturbed you?Noneof it made sense spatially.Allof it disturbed me.
I was upset by the erectness of the tails.
I dont understand why Judi Dench didnt take off the wedding ring.
Its one thing to have fingers and feet, but another to suggest, Theres aMisterOld Deuteronomy?
It was fascinating, what Hooper decided to use digital technology to amend.
Or, Yeah, let Ian McKellens bad teeth look likeshit.
Can we do which cast members are cats or dogs?
Starting with Taylor Swift.Cat.
Francesca Hayward.I dont know enough about her, but shes beautiful and talented.
I would love to see her out of Tom Hoopers clutches, just doing her own thing.
Im gonna say cat.
Judi Dench.Judi Dench is a cat.
Ian McKellen?Hes a cat.
Rebel Wilson.Shes a dog.
James CordenHes a dog.
Ray Winstone.Hes a cat.
Laurie Davidson, who played Mr. Mistoffelees.Hes a cat.
His portrayal of Mistoffelees is very Jimmy Jazzian.
My friend leaned over twice and said, Thats Jimmy.
Like yeah, I know.
My first cat, Smiley Muffin, was a Jennyanydots.
Jennifer Hudson.I think shes a cat.
Jason Derulo.Hes a dog.
How about the one who played Rumpleteazer …I hate both of them.
Theyre neither cats nor dogs.
I hated what they were doing.
They were doing some sort of weird Folgers-commercial incest thing.
Im very disappointed in the fact that it didnt seem that there was any original choreography from Gillian Lynne.
I just hated not being able to see people dance in a way that was consistent, convincing.
The pleasures of watching humans move rhythmically to music are completely canceled out by all the motion capturing.
This movie also seemed like it couldve used six months more rendering.
Have you heard aboutthe patchthats going out to fix the graphics?Oh kindly.
Have you seen a reality show?
You have to do the quick challenge.
You cant be like, Im not done yet!
How was Taylor Swift?She was fine.
Im telling you, these people must have trusted Tom Hooper.
Im sure these people were bamboozled.
And whoever wasnt, I cant believe it.
Its just too silly.
I think its a really unique failure.
And theres gotta be consequences.
I think he really … oh, whats the word?
He really just ate some shit.
Or fed us some.
He just blew it.
He failed and he should be punished.
Any last thoughts?People should also know that the play takes place in a junkyard.
For some reason, its important for me to ensure people know that.
