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But things have changed (for the better?)
Pettifogging Moira’s Vocabulary in Schitt’s Creek
TV Work
Sunrise Bay(six-and-a-half seasons)
Roland:Oh, there it is!
The Vivien Blake bitch face!
(S1, E2: The Drip)
Johnny:Moira, rememberSunrise Bay?
You were drunk most of season three.
And half of season four.
Youre daytime televisions brightest star!
He was some kind of crew person onSunrise Bay.
I didnt have a thought in my head, so I just stood up and sang Danny Boy.
Not a dry eye in the house.
(S1, E9: Carls Funeral)
Moira:Politics 101, John.
When you have limited resources, your best course of action is to create a stir.
Its like the episode ofSunrise Baywhen I stole my own baby.
(S3, E1: Opening Night)
Moira:I worked in soaps.
They had me playing my own father, who then became pregnant despite the vasectomy.
Every project has potential.
That is not my writing.Johnny:It was that week onSunrise Baywhen Vivien Blake had her accident.
You were in a body cast.
They wouldnt let you take it off.
You were writing with your left hand.Moira:Spelunking incident.Johnny:No.
It was after she got thrown upward through a skylight.
Thats when the action happens anyway.
When my cousin and I begin our backpack through Lebanon.
Were supposed to be astrophysicists, it takes you right out of it.
And yet she,shegets the close-up.
(S5, E5: Housewarming)
Moira:That had its moments.
When it shone, it shone brightly.
And I have to hand it to DeWitt.
She had a real breakthrough during the denouement.
I believe she believed we were cousins.
you might tell me.
My roots are in the theater.
Anything Andy Webber.Twyla:Wow.
Though I played one once in a lovely little production ofHarvey, but she worked in a mental institute.
TheFoxwoods Casino Gazettedid say it was a performance theyd never seen before.
Dont write that down.
The night Patricia LuPone ate that preshow shawarma and I was asked to step in.
I suppose that might be called emotional embezzlement.
A woman encumbered with secrets she will take with her to the tomb.
Hence the high praise Gina Gershon and I received for the role.
You should have seen the conditioning Rocky put me through.
Our first day consisted of mud runs and sob therapy.
(S5, E9: The M.V.P.)
The Sound of Music
Moira:Theres the age discrepancy.
Bit of a challenge there.
Although I did play Liesl von Trapp at 50.
Its clearly in your blood.Moira:Humility forbids me from thinking I could become a quadruple threat that easily.
Derek merely popped the lid.David [to Stevie and Patrick]:Very impressed.
Was not embarrassed at all.
I thought I would be.
Derek merely popped the lid.David [to Stevie and Patrick]:Very impressed.
Was not embarrassed at all.
I thought I would be.
Dr. Clara Beatrice Mandrake at your service.
…Alexis:How did it end again?
Like a Crowmageddon?Moira:Crowpocalypse.
But you didnt hear it from me.
You dont think your mother would get involved in planning a fundraiser?
My God, she had Hillary shaking last year at the Clinton Foundation dinner.
You are the life you accept for yourself.
Those are Goldies words.
Or something someone said to her in India.
Or perhaps she read it.
In any case, it has always stayed with me.
I once got Winnie Mandela to RSVP to an Artists Against Eczema benefit within the hour.
I had to be both puppet and puppeteer.
The Teenage Rosacea Ball at the St. Regis?
Bogdanovich loved a mink.
Come taste the difference good fruit can make in your wine.
Youll remember the experience and youll remember the name.
Herb Erfling … ger.
I once hosted the non-televised portion of the Peoples Choice Awards.
(S3, E9: The Affair)
Schitts Creeks Summer Asbestos Fest
David:Brr!
Its awfully cold out there … [Moira knocks.
]Oh, I wonder who that could be?
Its televisions Moiras Rose!Moira:Thats televisions mom to you.
[They begin their medley of carols.
Its a matter of self-worth.Alexis:You did a commercial for adult diapers.Moira:In Japan.
In full face Kabuki makeup.
And if were talking feet, its $75 for one, $150 for the pair.
The most projected nominee to have never actually been nominated.
Theyve stripped the playhouse of my name?
Who the fuck is Lucy Albion?Moira:A volunteer usher who died last year.
(S3, E11: Stop Saying Lice!)
(S3, E11: Stop Saying Lice!)
The Moiras Roses Garden 4856
David:The Moiras Roses Garden.
So the garden is dedicated to a rose that Moira owns?…
There were a lot of fields to fill in.
(S3, E11: Stop Saying Lice!)
And what if I had not hand-modeled at that microwave trade show?
That kind of physical touch is inappropriate.
Lets rewind and retry.
Yes, thank you.
Ive been asked to retrieve it for a customer with wonderful taste.
(S5, E6: Rock On!)
Moira:Well, Im glad you talked me out of the mohawk.
I think these people deserve a little glamour in their political campaign.
I was always impressed by those masquerade key parties at the Sarkozys.
(S2, E9: Moiras Nudes)
Stevie:Okay, theres a bunch of you with O.J.
And you with Robert Blake.Moira:The Top Eleven Photographs of Moira Rose With Future Murder Suspects.
Well, thats not what Im looking for.Stevie:Why were you in a paddleboat with Phil Spector?
I had my first job at the age of 10 sweeping up hair in a beauty salon.
I will never forget the value of a hard days work.
(S2, E10: Ronnies Party)
Alexis:Whats your favorite season?Moira:Awards.
(S3, E2: The Throuple)
Moira:I apprenticed costume design under Stan LaCoulier.
Im sure hed agree this toggery is the perfect tribute to the common woman.
(S3, E3: New Car)
Moira:And would that be a note?
Though Im guessing your evenings activities might be somewhat different.
(S5, E6: Rock On!)
As did anyone with brain cells to kill.
(S5, E6: Rock On!)
(S5, E12: The Roast)
Johnny:You know what, Moira?
Jealousy doesnt look good on you.
Much like that mirrored jumpsuit you wore to Candy Spellings 50th.
(S5, E12: The Roast)
