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Light spoilers ahead forAvengers: Endgame.
Why do you look so good in those jeans?
she asked, via hymn (okay, regular pop song.
Whyd you come around me with an ass like that?
Youre making all my thoughts obscene.
This was not, not like her.
And she confessed as much: This isnot, not like me!
That moment, of course, is all about which Avenger has the best butt.
Is it Paul Rudd as Ant-Man?
Is it Mark Ruffalo as The Hulk?
That is a good guess, but also no.
Is it Chris Hemsworth as Thor?
Is it Bradley Cooper as Rocket Racoon?
(Something for me to Google later in the day.)
Is it Chadwick Boseman as Black Panther?
He didnt even have the best ass inBlack Panther!
He stands over a bathroom sink admiring his own handiwork.
One leg is popped, and the derriere is quite round.
Mr. Rogers, he murmurs into his headset.
That old suit design didnothingfor your ass.
The camera stalls on Chriss butt just long enough for Scott Lang to beg to differ.
You look great, Cap, he reassures.
As far as Im concerned, thatsAmericasass.
The year 2023 Captain America comes face to face with the year 2012 Captain America.
When 2023 Captain America eventually bests his 2012 self in combat (Bucky is alive!
), he stops to look at the version of himself that is 11 years younger.
(Who among us would not do this?
And in a cinematic universe apparently without Beyonce, he is right!
At face value, all this butt talk seems frivolous.
Thank you Chris, for sharing your ass with the United States of America, a nation that certainlydoesnotdeserveit.
