Emily in Paris
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Oh,canshe now?
An American actress, Brooklyn Clark, will be in town for the launch of the Fourtier flagship store.
But the leads of those straight-to-streaming movies are not what I would call movie stars.
Speaking of things that are dated, can we talk about Emilys hair?
(Catty, I know!
But this is the kind of deep analysis Vulture is paying me for.)
Like, the uniform, curling-ironed, Victorias Secretlite waves?
Is anyone outside of theReal Housewivesfranchise still doing that?
Here we like more of a French ending … more like LIFE.
He dies, or loses a limb, or she proves to be a lesbian.
I mean,we have those!
Emily is wearing a magenta bucket hat and bright purple booties.
and asking Emily if she has any weed.
What is Brooklyn going to WEAR to this launch?!
Love that for him.
Then she asks Emily to give her 15 minutes.
Ihaveto masturbate after a long flight.
Nobody can make it to this big launch party with Emily except, of course, for Gabriel.
A little late in the season for that kind of thing, no?
We will not be finding out!
Dont you worry, Mathieu.
Brooklyn is in the hands of a young woman who unironically wears bucket hats.
Surely this wont present any problems for Emily, who signs with virtually no hesitation!
Also in attendance: Antoine and his wife.
Im sure all French actors are gracious and lovely and never rude to anyone.
!So she and Gabriel stand as if they are a couple while all these other couples collide.
That vacation she was all happy about?
Poof, no more.
Everyone is trying to be cool about this and no one is succeeding.
Also Brooklyn took molly, lol.
Meanwhile she has missed 10,000 calls from Fourtier.
Is there a Citibike but for Vespas in Paris?
Does it come with those helmets?
If so, tres cool.
If not… where has Gabriel been storing those helmets all night, and why did he bring two?
I wish she would throw her drink in his face but she does no such thing.
I was gonna bring it back, she says of the watch.
I wasnt going to wait all night for you to come, Sylvie replies.
(Sure enough, she does: #AboutLastNight… Is she even trying?)
Thank you for this relationship advice, Emily.
Emily blurts out that she cannot do this because she wants MORE.
She cannot SHARE a crepe; she needs the WHOLE CREPE.
In the morning, Emilys photo and its dippy little caption are blowing up.
Emily offers a girls trip to Sylvie, maybe Disneyland Paris?
Sylvie, my hero: Get out of my office.
You dont come to Paris to be good.
If you live in Paris you dont get to use were in Paris!
as an excuse for cheating on your girlfriend.
