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Hope you are doing as well as one can be amidst [gestures at state of the world.
]Only then would I begin to ask about the thing I actually wanted.
If you received such an email and chuckled even a little bit, thank you.
(Im sorry that it wasnt a special-just-for-you line and that you have to find out this way.)
How ghoulish.Hope youre well!How could anybody possibly be well right now?
Setting aside whether youre actually infected, the likelihood of your knowing somebody who is increases daily.
Last weekend, I got an email from my landlords son-in-law that my landlord had died of COVID complications.
I had planned to email him Monday to settle some minor lease issues.
Everything I venture to punch in in response feels transactional and hollow.
Communication, though, is always about transaction.
Im reminded of this when I email a favorite college professor, Bonnie Urciuoli, who teaches linguistic anthropology.
Its so hot in here, Urciuoli said, asking us to explain what she meant.
It could be, sure, a literal commentary on the temperature.
But it could also mean, Go open that window for me, an indirect request.
This, wed later learn, is what philosopher J.L.
Theyre signposts, things that guide us through polite conversations.
Urciuoli brought up another example for me to consider: the classic, Hi, how are you?
question when you dont actually give a damn about the answer.
You might call these lines small talk.
They signal that the channel is open and that you respect the person youre writing to, Urciuoli explained.
And also, more important, that you know how to read the room.
Not everyone is equally formulaic, she added.
But youre not ever really going to know that for sure.
I reallydohopeyouare well, I overemphasized in my email to Urciuoli.
I meant it, but I was also reaching out after months without any communication between us.
Nearly a year later, here I am in her inbox asking for help.
Unless we all agree to drop the perfunctory concern in every email, none of us can drop it.
Otherwise, we trigger the risk of being seen as out of touch.
(Doubly so for women because, you know [gestures at state of the world.])
Were all stuck adhering to coroniquette for the foreseeable future.
Asking people about their wellness status so we can then ask them aboutotherthings.Be well.
Here is what I really wanted to talk about.
