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In addition to the usual content, the website features severalfully scanned journalsthat span his entire life.
Its pure, unfiltered Shandling.
Early One-LinersI didnt like to go out with Jewish girls because they would never make love to you.
They always pledged to make love to you.
I drove through Sun City, Arizona.
Right away theres a tip-off that its a retirement community.
The road signs are in braille.
I know [Im] uncoordinated.
But I was a star on the track team in high school.
Well, actually I wasnt a running member of the team.
I was an obstacle in the steeplechase course.
Let me tell you about [what] my job on the football team was.
You know when a player is injured on the field.
And the ambulance comes speeding into the stadium.
Well, did you ever notice theres always one player directing the ambulance.
That was my job.
Comedy Spiral Notebook
Just jokes.
My parents moved to Chicago when I was 2.
Batting cage- walked in front of ball cause he thought he could get on base.
[Girls] in high school were ruthless.
Youd say want to go make out in the car?
And she said Garry, Im your English teacher- the answer is still no.
I didnt masturbate until I was 14 because up until then I was getting laid.
My manager is 24 years old.
Everyone talks about how cool he is on the phone.
Then he hangs up and plays with a Slinky for an hour.
No ones asking me.
So Im trying to look attractive.
Im starting rumors that I put out on the first date.
Things are going real well for me all I got in it is folding furniture.
The other day the toilet collapsed on me.
If my dog sees me licking my balls he wont kiss me on the face.
Im not meeting anyone- Im in a real drought.
Actually, a droughts not so bad- its when the locusts come.
Now what I want to know is does this occur often?
Hello, Mr. Wilson.
Hmmmm… How about Mrs. Wilson?
No dates cause of this Faulkland thing.
I went out with this girl who was going through primal scream therapy.
Needless to say it was a noisy date.
I thought I broke something.
Opening LineWork on the relationship with yourself.
AffirmationsHave a good relationship with yourself then have a good relationship with the world.
Let the walls drop- be open.
Allow space in life.
Dont fill all spaces.
That space is where the universe is, truth is.
Meditate: Take a break.
In relationships: agency: remember you dont have to take care of the other person.
Its not your job to make their life work.
Albert Brooks showed me that commitment is the number one element to being really funny.
Break away from attachment to body or mind if you are ever to achieve enlightenment.
I never can measure up to my own standards and expectations.
How do I like myself more?
Lets suppose you never even do a movie in your life.
Pretty clear that its the second one, isnt it?
When you think of writing a movie or TV script, just write.
Dont think of the process, or the result.
And be this now.
You dont have to be something.
Offer your life up to anyone who wants to use it.
Surrender
Instead of trying to figure it out- let go and dont know.
You have to believe youre not at an asshole.
Everything in the world functions on a monetary level.
Search out the things that dont.
Everything is going to be okay.
The Talk ShowSo Ive been offered a talk show.
A show could be free like the Tonite Show but with my band.
Tips on sleeping… Leave show on while you sleep.
I passed on that talk show.
Oh brother, I pray I did the right thing… 2.5 million a year and complete freedom.
On my show [Its Garry Shandlings Show] I worked on acting.
I didnt know what to work on in this show.
Write a movie script.
Youve made a commitment to yourself.
Now be true + do it.
[After Johnny announced his retirement from] The Tonight Show:Dont look back.
Dont think about talk show.
Or Dennis [Miller].
Dont think of that talk show.
The reason you turned down the talk show is: how could you…continue to learn.
I think youve got it now.
The idea is not to get bored with the show.
Give Larry more active emotional lines to play.
The Talk Show Pt.
Ive been offered the 12:30 spot on both CBS + NBC.
Most of Garrys 1998 entries seemed to be about re-centering himself, moving forward, and becoming spiritually healthier.
Create your own culture.
Live your life and surround yourself with those who support that culture.
There is no truth or false.
Good news would be joy.
I was happy two months ago when I finished the show.
Stay in the moment.
You will never have the sickness and pressure of the show.
Called Brad [Grey] and asked him NOT to produce my movie.
He said Fuck you.
Let it all roll off like its written in water.
I said it great to know thats who he is and to be reminded of it?
Where is the joy?
The joy is feeling the joy of emptiness.
Keep the mind pure.
In acting you sometimes just start to act an emotion to then begin feeling it.
So begin acting joyful.
You will then feel it.
… Then there will be the lucky tests: 1) rejection 2) disappointments 3) etc.
If it werent for these, you could not be joyful and be sure.
You have worked hard and been very disciplined.
You moved to L.A. twenty-five years ago you were twenty-three!
You never thought about joy.
You thought about finding yourself organically and becoming a success.
Perhaps, you subconsciously thought, this would lead to wine, women and song.
You moved to L.A. hoping to land a job as a comedy writer if you even had the talent.
Last week you won an Emmy for writing your own show which you created.
And you act in it and received an Emmy nomination as did the show itself.
You guest hostedThe Tonight Showand just sold your own movie.
All as part of your organic search and discipline.
Allow yourself to feel joy for this.
I give you permission to be happy.
If your feelings get hurt.
Someone walks away because they dont like you or your energy … good… not bad.
If you are left alone … good … not bad.
Make your own joy.
Feel the joy in the emptiness.
It cant go like this:
It has to be like this:
Because it is always there.
Age appropriate means that your 48.
Not 28 or 18.
So … act your age.
Finding joy in bad events is possible.
Thats partly what a sense of humor is.
49 the end of November.
Double it: 98.
So youre at the 12 way mark.
Were you happy at 13?
That was the dark stuff…
Do I have regret that I turned down the Tonite Show?
Would I have been happier?
I feel like my life with women is over.
But it doesnt have to be if I dont want it to be.
I like you: You have worked to let go.
You have worked to not hurt others.
You stayed on the path of the way.
Now you’ve got the option to let go of all of it and be free.
Youre watching an interview on T.V.
Hes opinionated and says whats wrong in college sports.
He attacked NIke and officials.
Is he crazy or just telling the truth?
Fame and all appearances are meaningless.
The most famous, richest, most handsome person dies.
Then the guys would jump in.
Then the driver would pull over and come back and take a couple of whacks at me himself.
…Go to a party.
Cant I just have fun?
Joke (Im such an optimist that [crossed out]
More sex does not bring happiness.
Commit to Emmys become one with it be yourself … Work hard on material and prepare.
Do more than the best you might do.
you’re able to have it all because you’re able to be it all.
Ive had such a difficult time making the transition from modeling to comedy.
Do not want to deal with inauthenticity of any kind.
Youre not inadequate because you cant be shallow like [REDACTED].
They are inadequate because they cant be authentic like you.
Five weeks or so till Emmys.
In 2 weeks I can have monologue.
… Write every day.
Try new stuff every night.
Isnt that what that Egypt Air pilot was yelling as he took that plane down?
(They translated what he was saying.)
This actually is Dick Clarks 2000th New Year.
And I say that with love, respect and sarcasm.
Safe sex is no sex.
Starts to sound like guns.
Im in favor of putting all genitals in a locked box or cabinet.
We wouldnt exist without sex.
Our parents had to have sex for us to be.
No wonder sex is a touchy subject.
Theres nothing funny about the year 2000.
[Its] … something that I cant put into perspective, and that makes me uneasy and fluish …
Numbering it and trying to order it is simply a human dysfunction.
What did people do 2000 years ago when there was no T.V.?
I mean that seriously.
No T.V., movies, books, lights.
2004 Journal
In 2004, Garry is once again hosting the Emmys.
Before I get started, how many people are running for Gov.
A simple solution that most of these movies never consider as a way out.
Quite an exciting ending, because the first two realtors get killed.
One of them, just a day before escrow closes.
Really has you on the edge of your seat.
You have to see it.
Who Wants To Be a Millionaire … What up?
Thats a million dollar question, for a million dollars, What up?
That would throw everyone.
If youre not on TV with all the channels and the reality shows something is wrong.
Something is wrong with your life.
Im so afraid in the dark.
Till death do us part sounds like some kind of Mafia contract.
I had a death experience.
Voice said Do you want to continue leading G.S.s life?
I had an agent who said that also.
I didnt ask what my options were.
For Emmies: This is the only reality show Ill do.
I like being on TV 2 minutes a year.
HBO 109 Nominations almost approaching their position on the dial
Still one word you cant say on Fox.
It starts with F. And yet, data pipe is called Fox.
So … okay when its plural?
Its a delight to be performing the opening monologue.
Thats all Im doing.
I hosted 3 years ago and I enjoyed the first 6 hours the last 2 hours tired me out.
Is it soulmate or cellmate?
Girls Gone Wildgot no nominations
American Idol Well vote if we dont have to get up.
So imagine a night youve had like that, and I describe the images of the road.
First, I see myself working a club in Cleveland.
Included here are the funniest and most universal notes from it.
When Ray Leonard dances around, hes making the other guy buy it.
You have to make the other guy (like an audience) buy it.
IN RING AND LIFE.
Pros practice at not telegraphing the punch.
Did I say break up fired.
I had a first date last night.
You know what I said after I ordered?
I cant see you anymore…
I know someones going to say it.
Opening LineThe only reason to work (on anything) is because you want to.
AffirmationsRemember, only watch your lane, not the others in other lanes.
Suffering comes from non-accepting.
Go easy on yourself.
Time to turn and transition in life.
Re-invent… Everybody is trying to reinvent themselves every day.
What gets in their way- lower back pain!??
Not the emotional child.
You are not your body.
No matter what happens, can you keep your mind on now?
And give yours away.
So, worry less!
Self-confidence comes from authentic self confidence.
The only enemy is ignorance.
The BusinessGee, I think SNL made fun of me tonight.
Weekend Update had a bad stand-up comedian: Bruce Chandling…
I know how it works: you cant just invent that name.
Its a conglomerate of real names.
Dont take it personally?
Twitter followers: only 500,00?
Paul McCartney - 72 Mic Jagger-70.
The material things of this world… your material world.
No phone messages or emails?
Relationship, joke/have fun, Let life live through you.
Stand-upIm a white man trapped in a white mans world.
What happens in Cuba stays in Cuba was the original version of that phrase.
If I had a child I would name it 3JAY:SHA3NDLING?
so it couldnt get hacked.
Trump is kind of CNNs new missing Malaysian flight.
Every half hour theres a new update.
IllnessWell, the time has come.
My pancreatitis requires surgery.
Accept this reality as it is situational reality.
Put mind in eternity, and focus on healing.
Patience, patience, patience.
DeathYou can not cling to life…
It is clinging to a dream.
When given the choice between life and death, choose death: this is the warriors way.
Accept, accept, accept.
If you live another 3 years, be grateful.
Only in this singular, razor-sharp movement do you exist.
Learn till the end.
Awareness till the end.
Final Entry: February 24, 2016Stay in vibration of life force.
Nothing but absolute reality.
