Chilling Adventures of Sabrina
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To which I say: FINALLY.
If I remember correctly, Melissa Joan Harts Sabrina did this too, no?
So, cute callback to her 90s self.
In my notes I writelol Sabrina is a witch who is ghosting her mortal friends.
To which I say: GIRLS HAVE BASKETBALL TEAMS UNLESS THIS SHOW IS SET IN 1963.
I guess we need this extremely no-duh parallel to make us see that sexism is oppressive and everywhere?
But no one asked me, so here we are.
I dont mind a little competition, he says.
Especially not when its so damn cute.
The top boy competition involves three witchcraft challenges and apparently zero democracy.
While Sabrina pulls an all-nighter at the library are witches not allowed to use technology?
Can someone yo explain why there are no computers at magic school?
Why doesnt Sabrina have a cell phone with her?
Nick is there with his bow tie untied, looking very dashing.
Sabrina gets attacked by a demon during her study session.
But she makes things get all loud and trembly to freak Ambrose out.
Why not just use it anyway?
All Prudence has going for her right now is her continued sartorial and styling excellence.
She and her sidekicks help Sabrina cheat through the first challenge, which is arcane witch trivia.
Father Blackwood is apoplectic.
Hilda is a champion bubbler and helps Sabrina prep.
Does this make Sabrina special, though?
Since Sabrina won the first challenge, we know she is going to lose the second challenge.
Literally on Sabrinas second try, the potion putrefies.
She has to chug it, for reasons.
She pukes and everyone cheers for her.
WE HAVE DISCUSSED THIS AT LENGTH.
a girls basketball team.
Sabrina has been a student at the Academy for all of 30 seconds.
She barely knows anything about magic and has spent almost zero time at the school.
Theo is bad at basketball.
It is not sexist to say people who are bad at basketball should not make the basketball team!
And I say this as someone who was once extremely bad at basketball.
Probably I still am; havent checked in a while.
So she cuts the benefits out of their friendship for the time being.
I want you all to know I never believed this blasphemy for a SECOND.
Still, I enjoy this because of the dramatic hand-holding.
These demons have but one wish: to kill the half-spawn, who must not ascend.
Father Blackwood banishes that little trio and then says neither Sabrina nor Nick can be top boy.
I writepick Prudence!!
!but Father Blackwood, a Sexist, picks Ambrose.
He doesnt even go here!
Also: Isnt Ambrose supposed to be really old?
Why would he enroll in school?
I love his velvet blazer, though.
Roz has a vision where she and Harvey make out against some lockers.
Nick asks Sabrina on a date and they wind up at that warlocks only club from before.
Everyone is drinking; it is not clear what the norms are for witches and booze consumption.
The important thing is that Nick is attracted to Sabrinas ambition and they live to flirt another day.
And meanwhile, the Dark Lord is making a house call.
He and Principal Wardwell have some catching up to do.
Ongoing mysteries:Um, wheres Salem?
What do we think it means to ascend?
Who will hook up first: Roz and Harvey, or Sabrina and Nick?
