Bachelor in Paradise
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Oh, hell yes.
Isaid it yesterdayand I truly and sincerely mean this:I NEEDED THIS.
When I sign up forBachelor in Paradise,this is the exact thing that I want.
Im here for all of this.
Is there anything better than salacious gossip about strangers?
Hearing gossip about strangers is better than any drug on Earth.
I dont know a single person involved, but I am invested.
Im here for JOHN PAUL JONES violently puking for six full minutes of airtime.
So, lets get to it.
Again, the only narrative thrust this entire episode is the Caelynn-Blake-Kristina love triangle.
Was he incredibly messy?
But every single one of his actions is completely understandable and quite frankly, justified.
Lets go to the tape.
They both agree to those facts.
Neither of them agreed to monogamy after their breakup and their hooking up seemed pretty sporadic.
So, whats Kristinas beef, as revealed on this revenge date?
He didnt tell her soon enough that he hooked up with Caelynn.
Hes not your boyfriend.
Youre not his boss.
Why are you concerned with some shit that is not your business?
When youbreak upwith someone, why are you concerned with the comings and goings of his penis?
What would him telling you sooner achieve?
Im thoroughly unclear on this.
And listen, yall.
I, too, have been single and a monster.
Ive woken up with a dude and then gone on a date with another dude.
Ive scheduled four first dates in a day.
Ive used OkCupid Locals.
Should I disclose my sexual-health status and use protection?
I said I was a monster, not completely evil.
Any other information is simply not anyone elses business.
Kristina claims that she wants Blake to be accountable and that shes looking out for women all across America.
Is it admirable that shes trying to help her friend recognize how his actions affect other people?
Something like that is a difficult and tricky conversation that should be approached with a lot of tough love.
Its not something you do on national television after an ATV date.
Then comes Blakes conversation with Caelynn.
Lets take each of Caelynns arguments one by one.
- Blake slept with Kristina the day before he slept with her.
Im no longer going to lie for you.
Just like that, Caelynn.
- Of courseI felt this way.Maam.
If you tell them something that gets them what they want, theyre going to believe it.
- I havent enjoyed myself here.That sounds like a personal problem.
They absolutely should and can.
More women should get angry.
The problem arrives when someone tries to continue Cool Girl Behavior when uncool things are happening.
you could change your mind in a FWB relationship and want commitment.
You just have tosay something.You cannot want to have to hide your relationship.
He wanted to talk to Caelynn to figure out what he could do to make it right.
But Caelynn stormed off.
Again, she has EVERY RIGHT TO.
Thats what hes trying to do.
So what was Blakes biggest mistake?
Blake is thinking, Were all single and were all having casual sex.
If everyone has a good time in the moment, Im good.
And honestly, hes about 90 percent there.
He done goofed for sure.
Just not as bad as everyone wants to say he did.
So, what else is happening on this godforsaken beach?
Thats a lot for anyone to handle.
Dont let Dylan tell you he missed you when you had a six-minute conversation with another man.Get yours.
What is happening this week with white women getting into business that isnt theirs?
Tell Nicole if its that dire of a situation.
Clay tells her, It sounds like you have one side of the story.
Anneliese just says that she doesnt want to get involved in anything and then gets involved in something.
She starts weeping about it and it doesnt seem that serious.
I need everyone to look up weaponized white womens tears so I can save my word count.
gives him an impossibly spicy taco, we dont get a rose ceremony becauseBachelor in Paradiseknows were hooked.
