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This article was originally published on September 4, 2020.
Were republishing it now for the rerelease ofTenetin theaters.
The plot of Christopher NolansTenetwasone of 2020s most intriguing mysteries.
ThinkPrimer, orHarry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkabanif youre nasty.
But Washingtons cover is blown, and hes captured by the baddies.
He takes a cyanide pill to avoid giving up his secrets.
Except the suicide pill is actually a test!
Then the CIA puts Washington inside a windmill.
Dont think it, feel it, Poesy says.
This is the movies mission statement.
Washington traces the inverted bullets to an arms dealer in Mumbai.
To get a meeting, he needs a sidekick.
EnterRobert Pattinsonin a performance modeled on the late Christopher Hitchens.
(Thatsnot a joke.
Or if it is, not one by me.)
Pattinson knows Washingtons favorite drink, even though it wasnt listed on his Hinge profile.
Two, she knows about Tenet.
She explains that Evil Russian Kenneth Branagh communicates with the future by leaving messages for posterity.
Caine gives Washington another fake painting so they can have a meet-cute.
Then John David Washington beats some guys up with a cheese grater.
Anyway, Washington is about to kill his guy, until Pattinson stops him.
The mysterious masked men get away, and anyway, theres no painting in the vault.
How did Evil Russian Kenneth Branagh know they were coming?
Now things start to getreallyhard to follow, so bear with me.
Evil Russian Kenneth Branagh and his henchmen show up and theres a car chase.
Theyre all wearing oxygen masks and traveling backward through time!
At the same time, an inverted silver car uncrashes and joins the chase.
(You will recall it as the big showstopping moment fromthe trailer.)
Theyre both captured by Evil Russian Kenneth Branaghs henchmen.
Pattinson says hes going to call in the cavalry.
He says the MacGuffin wasnt in the case and asks Washington where it is.
Washington lies and says he hid the MacGuffin in the glove compartment of his car.
Inverted Evil Russian Kenneth Branagh walks backward into the Turnstile too.
Aaron Taylor-Johnson reveals that he and his troops are posterity soldiers from the future working for the Tenet organization.
Also, every heat transfer works the opposite of the way it normally would.
Its just physics, okay?
So Washington steps through the Turnstile and starts going backward in time.
They resolve not to think about it too much.
Now back to Oslo, and you’ve got the option to probably guess where this is going.
Luckily, since future Washington is wearing a full-on gimp suit, theres no physical touching.
Were on to the grand finale.
Everyone gets to pass Go and collect $200 and is healed to full health.
(They stack vertically; call it a shish ke-bomb.)
But where … and when?
Sad Healing Elizabeth Debicki decides she wants in on this exposition business too.
(If he cant be alive, no one can.)
By Jove, thats it!
Then its on to the climax, which takes place in two locations simultaneously.
Then they split up.
The teams then brief each other in their own temporal pincer movement.
The good news is, while theres a lot going on, not much of it is actuallythatimportant.
(Presumably to monitor the opera attack.)
She encounters Future Evil Russian Kenneth Branagh and successfully convinces him that shes her past self.
In Russia, the red and blue teams create their diversion.
He uninverts himself and tries to warn Washington and Taylor-Johnson.
They dont hear him and set off the trip wire, which buries their path out.
They keep going, but their path is blocked by a locked gate.
On the other side is a henchman, the Algorithm, the bomb, and a blue-team corpse.
Washington beats up the henchman.
She shoots Evil Russian Kenneth Branagh.
But has she killed him too early?
In Russia, Washington and Taylor-Johnson get ahold of the Algorithm as the bomb is about to go off.
It all happens very quickly, but who cares the world has been saved!
In Vietnam, Sad Elizabeth Debicki is now Happy Elizabeth Debicki.
She jumps off the yacht in triumph; her past self sees her and admires her freedom.
Taylor-Johnson suggests they each bury their part, then kill themselves to avoid giving up the locations.
Pattinson heads back to the Turnstile, and Washington sees that his backpack is the same as the corpses.
Pattinsons inverted self will run back into the tunnel, terminate the gate and then take the bullet.
She was correct Dimple Kapadia is about to shoot her to tie up the loose ends.
