90 Day Fiance
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I love reunion episodes because I exclusively watch reality television to analyze the toxic relationships.
Larissa and Coltee are late and all their castmates hate them for it.
This is something we can all relate to.
This power couple totally deserves each other.
I love walking into a room and immediately threatening to go home.
This prompts several PAs to scour New York to find Larissa her perfect Kardashian-style dress.
Everything about the production of this is bleak and exactly what Im looking for in my reality programming.
I need more of this and less of Leida crying about bullying Erics daughter with the rattail.
Onstage, Coltee and Larissas entrance immediately alters the vibe of the room.
The couples direct all the energy theyd been channeling into hating their significant others into hating Colt and Larissa.
The tension is so thick you couldnt cut it with a vibranium chainsaw.
All is quiet, all is still, until Fernanda makes the first jab.
She says it was more comfortable when Colt and Larissa werent there.
Of course thats true, but thinking the tell-all special is supposed to be comfortable was her first mistake.
Lets keep it real, everyone on this show is at least a little bit pathetic.
To weigh one couples pathetic-ness against the others is to split the hairs thatPaul collected.
Which is worse: living with your mom or having a child bride?
(Game point, Colt!)
This is the stupidest sentence I have written, and truly insignificant in the grand scheme of problems.
However, for Fernanda, this speaks to Larissas great desperation for fame.
They accuse Larissa and Colt of being fame-whores, but so are they.
Pot, meet Kettle!
Kettle, meet ya ugly-ass face!
Otherwise, the evening is pretty uneventful.
The tension between Ashley and Jay is palpable, but somehow they are still living together.
My question is: … Why?
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but I have no faith.
There are some things about Jay and Ashleys interaction that I appreciated.
I loved that everyone stood by Ashley and defended her at every turn.
There is truly no logic Jay could use to defend his actions, although he tries.
Jay claims that this is all one big misunderstanding, a goof, if you will.
I realize now that Jay is the walking incarnation of the Shaggy song It Wasnt Me.
What Im saying is that Jay plays dumb.
(Boom, roasted!)
Other things happen with the other couples, but it doesnt really matter.
Asuelu cries about missing his parents, which reminded me that hes barely legal.
Leida says she regrets the way she treated Erics kids, but we all know thats untrue.
Steven admits no wrongdoing in his treatment of Olga, which gives me an aneurysm.
