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13 Going on 30is a movie about alternate realities.
Dorky best friend who is clearly stupid in love with her.
Well-meaning but misguided parents.
Except take the details you know and love and make them about a thousand times cringier.
This opening sequence is also longer.
The torture of remembering what it was like be be 13 drags on and on.
Sorry, wait, we need to go back a minute.
ITS SO YOU WONT EAT YOUR HAIR!
ITS SO YOU WONT EAT YOUR HAIR!
ItS So YoU WoNt EaT YoUr HaIr!!!!
He doesnt call the Six Chicks mean, like Matty 1.0.
He calls them clones.
Hes a man ahead of his time.
Theres a giant bouncy castle on the front lawn of their house.
Surprise, her parents yell, Remember, you always wanted a moon bounce, honey!
But, but in this edit, she wails, I wish my life was different!
I hate being 13!
Nobody could ever like me.
I wish I had a new life!
(Plus shes not blindfolded.
The movies closing scenes the part where it jumps back to the 80s are likewise awkward.
(you’re able to still spot the harnesses on them from shooting the scene.)
No Madonna singing Crazy for You.
See you all tonight to watch that version.
Blue eyeshadow and tissue-stuffed bras encouraged.
